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Original poster

Failed at the first hurdle

14 replies

NotaDisneyMum · 06/08/2012 23:00

For reasons some posters here are aware of, I have avoided being in 'sole charge' of DSS for any length of time, even though we have shared a home for 2 years.

Today was a bit of a milestone which we've been working up to - I had DD and DSS to myself all day Shock.

While out first thing this morning buying picnic ingredients, DSS was given a plastic 'gold medal' on a cord at an Olympic themed childrens activity event. to be honest, I didn't really give it much thought. Blush

It was only while walking home that I realised he'd been twisting the coin round and round and the ribbon was tight around his neck !!!!!!

I was mortified - it's made me realise just how much I take for granted with DD (shes three years older) and how quickly you lose that vigilance as they grow up Blush

Fortunately, no harm done - and more importantly, the day went well, which is a huge achievement and one I didn't think I'd ever see Grin

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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brdgrl · 06/08/2012 23:16

NADM, focus on what went well here and don't you dare beat yourself up! As you say, no harm done, and it is the sort of thing that I for one might easily not catch.
So pleased you had a nice day. :)

theredhen · 07/08/2012 06:43

Nadm - I really don't think it's a big worry, he soon would have stopped when it started to hurt. Kids do all sorts of things and you can't have eyes everywhere.

How do you manage to not be in sole charge of a child that lives with you for two years though? Does your dp not go out?

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 07/08/2012 07:11

He doesn't live with us full time - but yes, it has meant that DPs entire schedule has been based around his DS!

I'm trying to stay positive but realistic - previously, if DSS has spent any positive time with me, it's been followed by total withdrawal from me on his part that has taken weeks to overcome Sad

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theredhen · 07/08/2012 07:17

He's frightened of betraying his mum isn't he? By enjoying being with you, he feels he's being disrespectful to his mum.

It's a tough one to live with and not healthy for anyone.

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 07/08/2012 07:29

Yes, which has been reinforced by his mums behaviour over several years - including crying when DP or I are mentioned, or shouting that she can't cope with hearing about us Sad

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theredhen · 07/08/2012 08:55

Well, there's a saying isn't there about only changing what is changeable. Don't try and second guess how your dp ex will react and therefore cause a change in dss behaviour, just try and focus on what you can change and be consistent.

Easier said than done though isn't it? Smile

Readyisknitting · 07/08/2012 11:15

But he has had a good day with you both, even if he does withdraw, in someways, he has the medal as a solid reminder of his day. Maybe he'd like to begin a display board or shelf of happy memories, my boys have shelves with their precious crap stuff laid out

Well done for a successful day with them, and 2 happy boys at the end.

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 07/08/2012 11:51

knitting I know you're right - he'll always have the memories of fun times with his Dad and I, even if he chooses not to remember them right now Smile

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theredhen · 07/08/2012 11:54

It's hard isn't it? Dp ex doesn't do anything with her kids but we have done lots of "firsts" with them from significant things like first time on a plane to things like learning to roller skate. Grin

However dsc seem to have selective memories and only remember things they've done with Mum. Sad

brdgrl · 07/08/2012 15:29

I like knitting's idea of a sort of visual reminder (at your house of course!) of the nice days...

I went to the cinema with DSD on Sunday...it is very rare for the two of us to do something 'alone together' and it was very strange. I was so worried the whole time about whether she really wanted to be there, whether she was enjoying herself...I felt like I was on a date and trying too hard to please the guy! Strange to be feeling that way after all this tine and living together 24/7!

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 07/08/2012 15:57

We scrapbook!

I'm a keen photographer and order prints of activities and days out - then on wet days, we'll sit together with cutters, papers and create new pages for my big 12"x12" scrapbook Grin

Both the DCs love it - and it is something we & they get out and look at when things aren't going so well to remember that it is all worth it Smile

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brdgrl · 07/08/2012 16:39

That's great, NADM. :)

Readyisknitting · 14/08/2012 14:56

That's a really cool idea. We have photo albums, I started it after the first holiday I had with the dc after I left XH to cement happy memories, and they really enjoy reading the photo albums. I'm planning to add weekends away, days out and so on.

Tell me more about scrapbooking though, I loke the sound of it. How robust are the pages though, as the albums here get a hard life when all 4 want to look at the same time!

Original poster
NotaDisneyMum · 14/08/2012 18:40

Check out the wiki entry for scrapbooking and I think there's a active scrapbooking community on MN!
The 'books' are made up of specially designed covers with pages that you create and fix inside with a protective cover on them as they are completed - craft shops sell a range of different cover/page systems along with decorative papers, themes, cutters, punches - its a whole different sub-culture with websites, magazines, software - it can be very expensive but doesn't have to be and all my lot love it Grin

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