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Should we be suspicious?

9 replies

HelpMe2012 · 30/07/2012 08:06

Me again!
DP and his ex had a rather acrimonious divorce, and despite it being adultery on her part, she seems to have come out of it rather bitter towards my DP.
As such, she was not cooperative through the divorce process, and does not communicate more than absolutely essential stuff regarding the children. Ignores communications for DP, doesn't consult him on anything, we get all info second hand from kids, etc...
Since I have been with DP he has always said he doesn't understand why she doesn't do the right thing for the sake of the children and talk to him and communicate with him.
Bizarrely, out of the blue last week, she texted him suggesting they meet up and talk like grown ups for the sake of the children.
We were chuffed to bits thinking this would be really positive for the kids.
Then randomly through the side feed on Facebook as we have a mutual friend, I saw she'd put a status update saying "Done what I've been dreading for ages. Arranged to see the kids dad. Time to put him in his place".
This has made me really worried as it doesn't sound like she has the kids best interests at heart at all, and that she's got some beef with DP. Not being biassed, but she has nothing to put him in his place about - he is a good dad, fair, pays the right amount of CSA on time never defaulted, does everything by the book as far as I can see, and would do more if she'd let him...
Should I be worried or do you think it was just bravado to her mates on Facebook?
Their meeting is on Wednesday and I'm really concerned...

OP posts:
NotaDisneyMum · 30/07/2012 08:21

My ex would probably tell his fiancée all the same things - that I'm not putting DD first, that I'm obstructive, bitter etc etc.
That's only one side of the story! Wink From my perspective he is just as difficult!

As for FB - sounds like bravado to me; although its probably a good idea for your DP to go into the meeting with an open mind and not immediately become defensive before she even speaks - perhaps she has something to say that is worth him listening to?

JustFabulous · 30/07/2012 08:24

She sounds very immature.

NotaDisneyMum · 30/07/2012 08:31

JustFab. It's easy to blame one party when you've only heard the 'other side' Smile

My ex was adamant that I was obstructive and unreasonable during our separation and divorce; his evidence is that I refused to take up the floorboards in our former marital home where I was still living to retrieve some audio cables he wanted!

I agree that the FB comment sounds petty - but probably no different from the venting that many of us do on MN Wink

Kaluki · 30/07/2012 10:01

Silly Cow! At least you have a bit of a heads up that it isn't going to be plain sailing so he can be prepared for it. It would be worse if he went along unaware!
I agree though - there are two sides to every story and it takes two to tango.
My DP's ex is a witch. She committed adultery and left him near enough penniless but makes him out to be the baddie all the time and pulls nasty stunts to try and hurt him. But in their dealings about the kids they are both as bad as each other sometimes. Both stubborn and petty.
I hope it goes OK.

HelpMe2012 · 01/08/2012 16:11

Thank you all.
They're meeting tonight and I'm rather nervous - feels like he's going into the Lion's Den.
Honestly can't think what she has a problem with him about - apart from slight Disney tendancies (I'm getting the lingo!) - he's a really good man and a great dad and very fair, honest and straight.
She seems like the next contestant on the Jeremy Kyle show!
Will keep you posted. This is going to be a long night for me but I'm working so at least it will keep my mind off it.
Thank you ladies.
x

OP posts:
Kaluki · 01/08/2012 17:38

Is she my DPs ex?
Actually - JK wouldn't let her on, she's not posh enough GrinGrinGrin

AhoySailor · 07/08/2012 10:29

How did the meeting go then?

Your partners ex sounds very similar to my partners ex. Everything that you said in your initial post sounds exactly the way my partners ex wife acts, reacts, communicates, etc. It gets very waring at times.

Plus she uses the child (when he is staying over every second weekend) as a spy to report back everything we (me and my partner) have spoken about, everything we've done over the weekend, to find out snippits of information about me, anything!!! (We know this is being done because several times the child has burst into tears before getting returned to mummy's house saying he doesn't want to talk to her and answer her questions any more), ...

plus my partner will get texts from her (very soon after dropping off his son) stating 'you did this ...', 'you did that ...', 'you said that to him ...', blah, blah, blah

We ignore all of this nonsense now

HelpMe2012 · 08/08/2012 09:28

Hello. The meeting was (according to DP as I didn't feel it appropriate to attend) okay in that it was civilised and opened the dialogue back up between them.
The Facebook thing WAS just bravada.
She basically opened up to DP that she wasn't coping with the kids and was on anti-depressants, and basically just wanted him to help more.
The cynical side of me says you wouldn't want him to have the kids more if it affected your benefits... but I know that unless we have them more overnight that is not the case anyway!
DP is and always has been happy to help more - he jsut wants to see his kids more... she always turned down his offers of help. Pride maybe?
Anyway, it seems positive right now, so fingers crossed that she doesn't have a flip again and stops talking to him! I'm not a doctor, but she does seem very Jekyll and Hyde...

OP posts:
AhoySailor · 08/08/2012 12:09

I'm glad the meeting went well HelpMe2012

Yes, it sounded like bravada on your initial post (something my partners ex does) ... and it probably has been partly her pride (didn't want to be seen as not coping well)

Fingers-crossed things get a bit better from now on ... but it is always difficult dealing with Jekyll and Hyde

Hmm
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