Last chance saloon!!

[Kaluki]

So the DSC are coming for 2 weeks in August.
We have had some really bad weekends lately where DP has reverted to Disney Dad again and We were chatting last night about when they come. We agreed on bedtimes, bath times etc etc.so far so good .. In theory!
This is it though. If he goes all disney on me again like he has every other holiday we have had with them, then we have to go our separate ways.
Whether that means split up or have two separate homes i don't know but I told him that it is his last chance. His lack of parenting his dc is ruining our relationship and making me lose all respect for him and affecting my time with my dc.
Now I feel guilty and sad because deep deep down I know he won't (can't?) do it and I feel like our days are numbered. I'm going away for the second week so that will give us time to reflect on things but I think I know what will happen.
I love him so much but I am struggling to see a future for us right now.

I'm sorry, Kaluki. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to give DP a chance to get his act together. I hope he steps up and surprises you.

Have you put the rules/bedtimes/etc in writing? It might sound unnecessary, but I found that going through the process of first agreeing on points, and then writing them down, really helped DH to keep it together. We never did make a written list of rules for the kids (although I wanted to); we do have a printed jobs rota, and if the kids were smaller (DSCs are teens) or if they didn't live here all the time, I definitely would have insisted on a written/posted list of rules. I think it shows that you are serious and also makes it easier for those with short attention spans or lack of focus...

I'm probably not the best to give advice but I can empathise.

I agree on the written notes and also on talking to the kids about them too. I think you also need to pin your partner down in consequences, so be specific and say "if little johnny doesn't pick up his clothes/eat nicely/get off games console when asked, the consequences will be x/y/z. Then pick dp up on it when it doesn't happen at the time.

Your dp is like mine in that he wants good behaviour in his kids but won't make it happen. He is incapable of enforcing the rules and therefore good behaviour.

The reality is its very hard to walk away from a man who says all the right things and you know wants to do the right things but just can't. Only you can decide if you can live with that long term?

I could write it down but I think he would be a bit about that.
Maybe better to write it down for myself?
I just don't know. We have been on our own all day today and it has been perfect. He's a different man when he's with his kids to when he's with me.

Just have to wait and see I guess - I am dreading them coming and he can't wait and it makes me feel guilty as hell!

I too have a lovely man when he's on his own.

The thing is do the good times make up for the not so good times?

It might seem silly to write things down but ultimately it might save your relationship?

Well luckily we only have his dc EOW so most of the time I cope. Its whenever a long holiday looms I get down about it.
Its like a countdown in my head now. I'm dreading them arriving. That's not right is it. They are little kids FFS!!! Its making me hate myself!

I used to feel the same way. It's not their fault you resent them but equally it's not your fault either, it's their Dad who creates these children and their behaviour isn't it? So please try not to feel guilty and keep remembering that you want the best for these kids, you want them to be brought up well and to become pleasant adults which is just what you want for your own kids isn't it?