Reward system

[Lala1980]

If I should post this elsewhere, please advise but this is the only forum I use on Mumsnet.

Looking into how to motivate DP's children when they stay with us 2 days out of 14. 3 boys who are 4, 6 and 10. 1 girl 8 years old. 10 years old boy has aspergers, ADHD, sleep apnoea.

Historically, DP has used a reward system of giving sweets for good behaviour and taking them away for bad behaviour. My issue with this system is the 10 years old boy with SN is not motivated by this system as his behaviour was losing him so many sweets he didn't try.

I read on hear where someone was giving out tokens for good behaviour and the children could use these to buy rewards of their choice within reason. Tokens were not taken away for bad behaviour but a time-out system was used to remove the child from the situation for a limited amount of time.

Anyone use other systems? What tends to work or not work? I am not a biological mother and have limited experience of children, but trying to support my (better than he was) Disney Dad DP!

You could try asking in behaviour/development or special needs.

I wouldn't use sweets in any reward. Having a one rule fits all probably wouldn't work with the age/needs range so you might have to "glue" ideas together. Consistency is the rule though so it could be worthwhile asking the mother how she works things as she's probably done a lot of trial and error and could help to keep consistancy when they aren't with you.

Definitely ask in behaviour though.

Well my DP tried the reward system with their pocket money.
It worked well for a few weeks - they were good. Stacked up their pocket money. Blew the lot.
DSD wanted something so he 'lent' her an advance on next weeks money. Then she was naughty but she'd already had the toy so she didn't give a shit. Now she is about £20 down but good old Disney Dad still buys what she wants when she bats her eyelashes regardless of her behaviour!!
Once a Disney Dad always a Disney Dad I'm afraid!!!

I would love to know if anyone has actually made it work!!!

I have used fines very successfully with DD for the past few years - since she was about 5. At first I took just 1p fines off for bad behaviour (mainly sillyness and not doing as she was asked) then as she got better (and started to get more pocket money) I moved to 10p fines. She very rarely gets these these days (she's nearly 9 now) as I usually just have to threaten to fine her and she behaves.

I think you can have different systems for differend DCs, esp if one has SN. I've never had the same system for DS because he's always behaved - and DD has never asked why not.

Never found time out to work very well with either of mine - they wouldn't stay where I put them - though I do send to their rooms to give me/whoever they've just thumped a bit of a break if we need it.

Dss is 12 but his paediatrician wanted us to try a reward system with him as he has ADHD. What we decided on was, Dss gets a sticker for certain behaviours and each stickers 'buys' him 10 mins on the I pad. I like this as it's free, immediate ( well he takes his time each evening) and doesn't result in Dss being spoilt. For unacceptable behaviours he gets time out for 12 minutes in his room ( this has proven VERY effective and the only times Dss has ever appologised for his behaviour is after time out)

I'm not a fan of reward systems really so we do not use this system with. Ds (3) as it isn't necessary, we just use lots of praise and time out on the bottom step for 3 minutes if necessary.

Whatever reward system you use, don't take rewards away for bad behaviour, treat that as a separate issue. The danger is if you don't, they end up with negative rewards and nothing to strive for.

General rule is less attention for negative behaviour, more attention for positive behaviour. Schools do this with detentions got bad behaviour and reward points for food behaviour.

My ds used to have a sticker chart for good behaviour, ten stickers then he got a little prize from the lucky dip bag (cheap toys from pound shop wrapped up in wrapping paper). Bad behaviour was punished by time out and as he got older by a ban on "screen time".

Now he's a teenager, he gets rewarded with money, but I've long since done away with the star chart.