So how do you go about blending rules in a blending family?

[Stepmumm]

Been with my partner for 18 mths, he has 3 ds that he has 24/7, i have 1 ds. They 'generally' get on, its usually his that fall out with each other.

I generally leave discipline of his kids to him, backing him up as necessary. And i discipline mine. He's not a disney dad however they don't always (mostly) do what he tells them whereas mine generally does what he's told. I decided after trying to instil discipline and getting increasingly wound up as they didn't pay any attention that i would leave it to him unless i gave them in my own and it needs my intervention. We spend weekends all together and this works okay.

My concern is what to do when we move in together (in 18 mths). Whilst our routines are quite similar there are things they are allowed to do whilst mine isn't, ie, they can watch tv, play computer games at bedtime whereas mine isn't allowed to, only at weekends. Mine also settles down at lights off time whereas his ignore this and continue to watch tv etc.

Do you think i'm right to leave discipline? And how would you deal with these differences in rules in a blending family? Sorry if its rambly?

I think once you move in together you are going to need to develop a set of rules that apply equally to all of the boys. Also if they are living with you, you need to agree that you can discipline his boys and he can discipline your son - however, you need to agree a form and manner of discipline that you both agree is acceptible. I think you need to start talking about this asap.

I agree with Goosey. Now is the time to change the rules because it will be too late when you move in.
My DP has his dc every other weekend and when we met they basically had no rules at all - they told him what to do!! I am too strict with my dc and there was a huge clash when I tried to instil my rules onto his dc.
The key is to compromise. You will have to relax your rules and he will have to be stricter so that you meet in the middle somewhere and you should be able to discipline each others kids and be listened to.
And for Gods sake don't move in until you are happy with it all like I did

Agree with kaluki, what seems like a minor irritation will be a major issue if you move in. Agree on rules AND consequences. My dsc have no consequences at all and dp thinks nothing of asking them twenty times to do something whereas I have three times rule followed by a consequence. Also think about the effect a dad who can't discipline his own children will have on yours, your ds is unlikely to respond to requests from your dp if his own kids don't, meaning you have to try and make your own ds respectful of your partner which is going to be an uphill struggle.