Ex changing holiday dates - again

[toxicwaste]

Argghhh, I am so fed up. About 3 months ago we suggested dates for the summer holidays to DP's Ex. The dates we gave her were, mistakenly, for two weeks and she decently corrected us to make it three weeks (which has been the standing agreement since their seperation).

DP emailed about a month ago to confirm the dates they had previously agreed to (his parents have booked to come here for the beginning of their holidays here), it is only then that she tells him DSD's are at school on the Monday (the agreement had been to pick them up on the Saturday) - I feel that she must have known this months ago when we first got in touch as she is super organised (admittedly we should have double checked). So suggested we pick them up on the Wednesday. With his parents having spent a lot of money to come here to see the girls, and leaving on the Thursday we asked that we could pick them up after school on the Monday. After much toing and froing she eventually agreed to this.

So, having agreed to three weeks here for the summer holidays she is now saying that she wants them back on the Saturday, making the holiday 2 weeks and 5 days. Not just that but if she does not get a signed letter saying they will be dropped off on the Saturday that she will not allow them to come at all. We have made plans for the holiday. These plans are now being put on hold whilst we try to negotiate the two days we were depending on. She is saying that 3 weeks was never agreed, yet note what I said above about her correcting us and making the holidays three weeks. She has berated us for making plans yet she herself made plans for their family trip away months and months ago without consulting us first.

I know it is only two days but this is not the first time she has tried to prove how much power she has. And unfortunately she holds all the cards. DP is at his wits end and thinks he will just have to go along with her, but where does it end? Next year she could say 'nah, you can have them for 2 weeks'. She has already broken a mediated agreement re access in the christmas holidays and completely ruined Christmas two years ago by with holding them from us.

I don't really know what I'm looking for really, just a rant. I know many of you will probably just say, go to court and be done with it, but any other advice?

Rant away, you need it sometimes.

We've had similar issues, now pretty much avoided because we do the whole year rota on a spreasheet and both families follow it.

This allows us to arrange things in advance and we add going away/holidays to it so everybody can make their plans. This still allows for flexibility but as we all know who is where when, we can plan in advance and make a request for a change if need be.

My advice would be, as she seems to be unreasonable at present : Accept it, sign letter, go on holiday & ENJOY! Let the summer pass and request to go back to mediation if she continues to mess about with rota. Sometimes it is needed.

I know it's hard but don't rise to it, not worth it.

HTH

Hard not to rise to it when it happens time after time. We live a long distance apart so holidays are pretty much the only time we see them, it just does not seem fair that she gets to call all the shots. And uses their children as pawns.

A spreadsheet is a great idea, but then still nothing to say that she'll stick to it. I think DP will be reluctant to return to mediation (it would be the third time) as she just does not stick to agreements made, and it is a lot of money.

She would be outraged if we e-mailed her when they were with us to say actually they are staying an extra few days with us and if she does not agree to it we'll keep them for the whole holidays, or just not return them at all. (I would NOT do this, very unfair for the children etc etc).

I think we may just have to agree to it this time, which means an upheaval to our plans, but she has us between a rock and a hard place.