Ok have had it this time , and quite willing to divorce to get rid of the drama.

[droves]

That's it really .

Quick history for those who don't know .
Have 3 step kids . 2 boys and a girl . Boys are now 10 and 18 , girl is 20 married , with her own dd. ( have 5 kids of my own , one with Sn )

Basically the short version is dsd has done various things over the years to annoy ,hurt and cause fights. She ruined my twins first birthday and caused a fight between dh and I . She's left notes saying " droves loves ex-bf name " . She's shit stirred and generally been a pain . Mostly I ignored it all because she was a child , andi thought she was hitting out because her mum and dad split up ( nothing to do with me btw) .
She banned me and the twins from her wedding , lied to dh told him i ignored her , and txt dh to Choose between us ( quote me or her ) .

Since then I have seen her 4 times .
I admit I try to avoid her as much as I can . I just can't cope with her anymore .
Although I have told here I was sorry that her mum hit her , ( they had a fight , propper fight ) and tried to be civil .

Dh wants me to act like nothing's happened ...that's everything's ok . He has been to visit her house twice ( I wasn't invited btw) . She bought the twins a pair of trainers each for their Xmas , so alls forgiven in his eyes. This is after she said " just brothers are going to her wedding " , so the twins are not counted as siblings in her eyes really . A pair of Nikes doesn't change that .

I have not banned her from our house , nor would I , but find other things to do whilst she's here . ( so she can't play games anymore ) .

I don't want to interfere with dh's relationship with her , but he's not happy that I'm not Intrested anymore . I think he'd rather I do summersaults of joy as she walks through the door.

Fuck that . She's not a kid anymore , I don't actually have to put up with her anymore . She's made it quite clear about how she has always felt about me , so why do I have to suck it up and play nice to suit her & dh . If he doesn't like how I am with her now , then I think he shouldn't have let her away with all her shit in the first place.

I do love him , but no way he's going to dictate that I have to put up with an adult acting like a shit towards me . ( I don't give a shiny shit if it his daughter or any other adult ) .

Mostly the problem is dh's attitude ... If he'd just accept I wont stop him seeing her , but can't be arsed myself there would be no problem .

She sounds a nightmare

Oh that felt good getting it out. < rant over. , calm facade has returned > .

The only positive thought I've had today is that if I do divorce dh , then I will never have to see her again.

Dh and i had a row earlier because he wanted to give dd4 s potty , to dsd for her dd . ( bearing in mind dd4 is 6 , but has asd , severe delvelopmental delays and is tiny and not long out of night nappies ) . Dd4 has poor bladder control and still wets herself at times , especially if someone's in the bathroom ( we only have one wc ) as she can't hold on. I said no , he said you've already said , I said no I didn't , ( blah blah blah and so on ) .

So he said I just don't want to give it to dsd as I hate her . Then stormed out and took it anyway .

This is all because dsd said she wanted one like dd4s for her dd and couldn't find one . Her dd is already using a toilet , she's put on Facebook that her dd doesn't like Pottys and will only go on a proper toilet . FFs .

Anyway I don't actually hate dsd , I hate how she's behaved and I'm at the end of my tether .Understandably I'm reluctant to give her the oppertunity to create more havoc because of her past behaviour. Either way I'm pissed at dh , what gives him the right to take our dds belongings and give them to his adult dd , when she is married and has money to buy for herself.

Oh god! I can't believe you aerie still having problems like this with a 29 year old woman! I'm living in hope that by the time my 'd'sc are that age the problems will be over!
You are right not to put up with it. It's one thing when they are kids but she should have grown up enough by now to treat you with respect. If not then you have every right big to see her.

Honest to god , if I knew my life would be like this , when I met dh I would have ran fast in the opposite direction and never looked back .

Being totally honest , it isn't all dsds doing , it's dh's as well , ( she can do no wrong iykwim ? ) And I probably should have nipped her shotty behaviour in the very beginning . At the time I didn't want to upset an already confused and angry child .
I thought I could win her round by kindness . Boy was I wrong there .

I posted you a reply before and lost it. This must be a nightmare with an adult DSD. The problem is, often DSC get excused for years on end, with the 'only a child' excuse for absolutely everything.

So lo and behold one day they become an adult, still acting exactly the same but then everyone is all out of excuses.

So sorry to hear you're going through this. I think now though, if your DH can't support you now, then is he likely to change?

Probably won't ever change. Just had another row with him .

Told him I won't ever go back to being the way I was with dsd , that I am aiming for polite acceptance from her and will be polite if I see her but won't go out of my way. And that he's a Disney dad , that just wants the fun without any effort and if he wanted us to get on then he should have actually disciplined her when he had the chance, when she was a child.

He pointed out that she won't appologise .

I pointed out that removing myself from the drama and keeping my distance was in fact the best thing for everyone .That way I won't hit defcon 1 and explode and tell her exactly what I think and ask her why the fuck she did what she has .( Honestly think I'd scare the crap out of her , and she'd go bad mouth me to her mum , then dh wouldn't get to see dss , and it be all my fault , as per usual , ) . I also reminded him that I have never or ever will stop him from seeing her , but he's out of order if he expects me to just act like nothing's ever happened and play happy families.
Keeping her at a distance is all I can cope with right now .

I spent the last few hours upstairs in my room , thinking about when I was single . Life wasn't supposed to turn out this way .

Sometimes, kindness and patience just doesn't work. Perhaps, she's just not that nice a person.

It's hard but, I'd carry on as you are. She's not a child. keep out of her way and that way, she doesn't get the satisfaction of seeing your reaction to her.

You have put up with enough and you are right to distance yourself from her now.
I wish DP knew I was on here - I would show him this thread.
I keep telling him spoilt kids turn into nasty adults but I don't think he believes me.

Droves.... You are me. We're we separated at birth?

We don't see sd at present. Not for a year. It's my fault (obviously) as far as she can see. I have told my dh that for his sake, I will be polite, if she ever decides to visit. I have said, like you, that I will not be falling over myself to welcome her. It's pointless and goes against my "dead straight" personality. If sd didnt like me when I was "trying" then perhaps she may like me better when I am merely polite and not so desperate to please everyone.

Well to be honest I think it's a damned if I do and damned if I don't situation . I'm going for the " don't " as it seems a lot less effort on my part iykwim.

Nothing I've done for her has been appreciated , so I'm doing nothing from now on .
might be the answer . ....if I sit with a bottle and a straw next time she appears , by the time I reach the label , I will be beyond caring .

It...might...just...work

Must keep a good red to hand....just in case.