have changed name for this - it is long! Would love advice from all sides of the fence.
For 5 years DH has been subject of a punitive interim assessment from the CSA (200 a week) in respect of his 2 kids. Despite countless attempts by us to get CSA to do proper assessment they have delayed delayed delayed - the handling of his case has been amazingly bad. We have had officers at our house on at least 3 occasions, sent details of earnings hundreds of times, filled out countless MEF and it has taken this long to finally get a proper assessment done. Apparently they have a 12 inch file on DH's case!!
In the meantime we have been paying what we can which is a lot less than the IMA. As I am the only one earning money things are very tight - I pay 200 a month maintenance but we have major financial issues and are about 5-800 short a month just for bills (so yes have debt problems). Anyway proper assessment has been done and DH's assessment is nil (no surprise as he has earned only a few thousand gross this year not much more in year's previous). All in all it will turn out that we have overpaid maintenance by 2500 (and it would actually be 3500 if the CSA took account of the voluntary payments DH made for the first 6 months of the application being made but we can no longer be bothered with pursuing this) .
We have been to hell and back with the CSA over this time in lots of ways including reductions in contact (as originally we had boys overnight for over 130 nights a year - now have them about 90 nights as "shared care" arguments came into it). Dh has been threatened with jail, has had 2 liability orders imposed against him totalling almost 30K (despite CSA knowing that the assessment was wrong) and has had to deal with ex telling everyone who will listen how much money he "owes" her (despite knowing that the assessment was never based on his earnings). However, worst of all the kids have been very involved, they have been told time and time again that we do not pay maintenance at all and then, once that little untruth was cleared up, told that we do not pay enough and this has affected them and has obviously had repercussions for DH although he still (miraculously) has strong relationships with them.
We do pay for lots of things towards the kids over and above the costs of having them stay with us - I pay all their mobile phones, half the school lunches, clothes, shoes etc - not that any of this will ever be acknowledged (and nor do I expect to be as I accept kids cost money). I am happy to pay more than this now that the assessment is nil and go halves on all other big costs as and when they arrive (DH used to do this but since she went to CSA ex has told kids she wants to pay for big costs - I have assumed because she was worried it will "reduce" her claim). Our housing costs are much much higher than hers for basically the same type of accommodation (a house in London big enough for 3 kids just like she has) although I understand that she is not interested in this. We don't receive any help from any body other than my child benefit for DD and things are really tight.
Anyway we want this sorted out once and for all. The CSA have told DH that they will pay him the overpayment in a lump sum and then get ex to pay it back to them over a period of time. This is the question - we could say that we don't want the overpayment to let the ex know that we are not interested in being vindictive and try to move forward from here more positively. We are not really interested in CSA chasing her for money for years it isn't helpful to the kids and although we have money problems it is money we never expected to get so we could live without it. And to be fair - its not her fault the assessment was delayed - it was the CSAs so I think it is unreasonable for them to pursue it (not that I ever expect reason from the CSA). But DH is only interested in doing this if he knows that ex will sit down with the kids and tell them the truth which he doesn't think she will do willingly. She has constantly complained that 200 a month is not enough even though that is a lot more than what DH even earns at the moment so I can imagine how angry she will be, but we have been 100% honest. I don't want CSA to go after her an overpayment but I don't want to "write it off" then have her come with another story to the boys about how we have ripped her off. So what do we do? Any advice? Advice from single mothers also very welcome!