Issues with my husbands ex girlfriend and mother of his daughter

[NattyCraig]

Hi Mumsnetters,

Hoping someone can help me with some advice or just listen (read) me having a good ol' rant!

I have been with my partner (husband of one month) for 3 years since his daughter was 6 months old, obviously his daughter does not remember her parents ever being together and all she knows it me and daddy being together and living together etc.

We are now expecting our first child together (a boy) on the 1st November.

She has been increasingly difficult over the years, we used to see his daughter every other full weekend and every other Sunday, gradually this became every other weekend with NO contact at all in between.
It then became every alternate friday and every alternate Saturday for 24 hours which just didn't work well as we had no time to go anywhere with her as she had to be back at bang on 3pm or else.
We requested it go back to every other weekend and were told Ok... however this was coming up to her wedding and over the last 6 weeks we have seen her for 4 hours... She says hubby can see her supervised for half an hour per week with her there.

There have been times over the years when access has stopped... First when we got together, when we got engaged, when we set a wedding date (were told she could not come with us) and again when we announced pregnancy and leading up to the actual wedding.

She states that she is only ever difficult because hubby constantly asks when he is seeing his daughter (she does not set times etc until the day before and most of the time says "we will see if you get her next weekend")

I have filed court paperwork now but she still states she cannot come to our home until after the verdict because she thinks we brainwash her... (apparantly little girl saying "I love my daddy millions" is us brainwashing her because she is 3 and doesn't know what love is)

Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it? It's getting increasingly difficult.

We have just bought our first house and are moving in in one month, his daughter will never get to see our current house (and bedroom) because her mother says she can't come up, so will be flung into an entirely new environment that she is not used to with no one explaining it etc.

HELP please.

I'm getting so fed up and sick of being made out to be bad parents when we own our home, both work and she lives with her parents and thinks we don't have a secure enough family to be bringing up her daughter.

xxx

The only answer is getting court to set access. Sorry to break it to you. I have put up with this crap for 15 years. Make the most of the time you get. The woman is using her child to get to you and your husband see it for what it is basically she needs to get a life.

You might be better asking to get this moved to step parenting as they'll have the relevant experience of being a step parent fighting for access

Being an rp with an absent father who would be quite happy if his son would quietly drop dead I have no experience to offer you as my experience is trying to sort contact for an absent parent which is pretty much laughed out of court

I'm so sorry you are having difficulties and hope someone in step parenting can help you

It so :( when parents don't care

I agree that you would be better posting in step parenting and/or legal.

I dont really have have any experience of this but i think taking her to court is the only way.

It's likely that the court will first ask you to attend mediation. Maybe give that a try while you're waiting for a court date?

Sorry, agree, looks like this will have to go to court.

These sort of threads are always a mystery to me? Why doesn't your husband contact .lawyer and sort it out?

Think court is the only way to go

"These sort of threads are always a mystery to me? Why doesn't your husband contact .lawyer and sort it out?"

Because not everyone can afford to go through the court process even if self representing.

Plus it can take months to go from initial application to a final order. And as soon as the initial application goes in some resident parents stop all contact altogether or, as in this case, reduce what patchy contact there was down to a mere supervised half hour per week.

He needs to get a proper arrangement. Either by mediation or a court order. Unless she is prepared to be reasonable and discuss it. I understand about the money but this has to be a priority surely. The child has a right to know both parents. If lawyers are necessary then I would put that expenditure above anything else. If it were my child that is. I'd live on baked beans until it was sorted. There is no way I would I allow my child to be messed around in this manner. If money is the problem then money has to be found.

If lawyers are necessary then I would put that expenditure above anything else. If it were my child that is. I'd live on baked beans until it was sorted.

nkf I'm sure you don't mean to, but the implication you have made is that those of us for whom legal fees are so far out of reach as to be laughable are somehow letting our DC's down.

I declined mediation last year with my ex because I couldn't afford the £hundreds it would have cost - I was not entitled to legal aid, because of the redundancy payment my DP had recently received. We have been living frugally to say the least since then, and only now can I afford mediation, because the redundancy money has run out and we are now at a point where we are unable to pay our bills every month. So now I'm entitled to legal aid and I can sort out the issues between ex and myself that have been impacting on DD for over a year.

I apologise if it came over like that and I sympathise with your situation. I hope it gets sorted out soon.

Self repping on a contact issue is relatively easy and the courts will be sympathetic.
You do need to get a contact order in place, most solicitors will give you a free 30 minute consultation and they can explain the process and what you need to do.