should i tell exh that i'm pregnant?

[nobutts]

tell me to f off if this is the wrong place - newbie, forgive me (and maybe tell me where would be better)
I am pregnant with DC2 with my new partner. Ex is a tool but we're very civil and can enjoy DC1 together. I'm pregnant and me and DP have told DC1 who is over the moon. Should I let exh find out from DC1 this weekend? call him to tell him before so that he's prepared for questions? or any other variation?
What do you think? I have general worries about EXH's attitude and am paranoid that he might undermine the positivity that DC1 is feeling but I guess i have to face that if and when it comes to it.

Apols for x post on divorce board

As you and your ex are civil to each other I think you should call him an tell him. To try and maintain your relationship. Also 3 or 4 sleepless nights worrying will not be good for you and baby x

I would tell him direct. He'll probably appreciate being told rather than left for your DC to tell him.

Wouldn't expect him to be over the moon, I wasn't at all over the moon when my ex told me he and DW were expecting (despite my DD being delighted) I was anxious about the DCs being pushed out his life, that he'd have no time or money for them, etc - and generally feeling left out of the thing my DCs were excited about. But you won't improve his reaction by leaving it to your DC to tell him - and if he does react badly it would be better this isn't in front of your DC.

Personally I'd email so he can assimilate the news at his own speed. But you could call instead. If he's a decent person he'll do his best to be happy for his DC, even if he's not happy himself, but he'll find this easier to do once he's had a chance to get used to the news.

What would your dc be most comfortable with? To break the news or know that the ground had been laid and they weren't responsible for dropping a bombshell?

I'd go with whatever the dc feels happiest with

Great advice.Thanks... Just chatting to DP and i think email is the way. We email about arrangements anyway and that way I can briefly give the 'why' I'm telling him without him assuming it's some grand show off statement( he has a history of bizarre interpretations of the things i do being about him!). and like you say, he can assimilate it. I think I'd respect the same if him and his girlfriend were expecting. I can give him the option of calling if he wanted to know any more about questions from DC etc
what do you think?

I think the ex-p has a right to know. It affects your child, his reaction will efffect your combined child. So for your dc1's sake I think you should show ex-p as much courtesy as possible.

However you feel about him, you will know him for the rest of your life and by keeping it secret you will create some tension by telling him nicely you will give him every opportunity to do the right thing.

I was never going to keep it a secret from him Molly, I agree; whatever maintains a positive relationship and atmosphere for DC is the priority but instead was wondering whether me telling him before DC did so himself was the right thing to do. I think the more adult and normal the approach the better - sometimes hard to see that when you have the baggage of the exs previous.

crump and hols thanks. I didn't see the posts before. Holiday it's nice to hear what you said. This is how we were feeling i guess I'd rather be in control of it than him finding out now that i've thought it through. Only because his reactions can be irritating...he also obsesses that everything I do is to give a particular impression to him (he's said this himself!) ...I think if i tell him then he has less to assume. I think also crump that as DC is only just 6 and wouldn't actually know he'd be possibly dropping a bombshell - it would be more fair.
I'm still irritated that I ever have to think about this sort of BS at all and that even though I've moved on, his previous behaviour still taints things.. that's the deal with ex-parenting though.

As this is something which will have a big impact on your child together, I think he should be told by you.

It might not be his business but it is the business of your child together and as such he should know about things so he can talk to your child about it etc.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I think you definitely should tell your ex, before DC1 does. It is a common courtesy and obviously affects your DC so is something that should be mentioned. If your Ex is normally someone that can misinterpret email or text messages then I think a brief phone call would be better - otherwise email is fine.

Good luck

As others have said, you tell him before your child does. Same with any other important news.