I've ranted posted before about how DP's parents have undermined his dealings with his ex and relationship with his DC's - they have contacted and dealt directly with his ex on a number of occasions now - including scheduling visits to our home area (they live a flight away) at a time when the DC's are not with DP and I, so have arranged contact with the DC's via ex.
DP has told them, over and over again, that if they do that, his ex considers that DP somehow "owes" her, and demands payback in some way at a later date.
Their latest interference is to contact DSD (14) and offer her the option of going to spend a week with them in the summer holiday, and said that she could choose when, they were available whenever. Not a problem, DSD has opted out of contact with DP and has visited them on her own during previous school holidays, when her mum allows her to.
Only this time, DP's parents told DSD that it would be really nice if DSS (8) could go with her - they said that they would arrange for their travel to be escorted etc.
That is a problem. DP's contact with DSS is subject to a Court Order, 50% of the holidays, to be arranged between DP and his ex no later than 28 days before the holidays start. As it happens, they have already agreed the contact periods for the summer.
So, in wade the DGP's, offering DSD a choice of when she wants to visit, and encouraging her to ask her brother whether he wants to go as well, when in fact, it is his mum and dad who have to agree on where he is going to spend his time. DPO has every intention of taking him to see his DGP during the summer holidays - but nothing is set in stone, yet.
Reasonable adults, of course, would recognise the benefit to DSS and renegotiate contact with DSS during the remaining 5 weeks. Not DP's ex, she sees it as an opportunity to reduce DSS contact with DP and I.
In return for allowing DP's parents to take the DC's out for dinner from her house during recent visit, she has requested that DSS is returned to her during a contact weekend coming up, because some vaguely distant relations that DSS can never remember meeting (and who have never shown an interest in the DC's) are visiting her. DP agreed, mostly out of obligation, but also because he thinks that it is important for DSS to meet his extended family. He suggested a morning drop-off time and late afternoon pick-up time.
You'd think, given that she is subject to a court order, that his ex would be grateful that DP is prepared to be flexible. Oh, no. She doesn't know what their plans will be, so doesn't know if the pick up time will be convenient for them. Her suggestion - that she sends DP a text during the day after he has dropped DSS off, letting him know when she is on her way to drop him back. I don't think so.
If that's the level of expectation she has over DSS spending an evening with DP's parents, we can't begin to imagine what she will expect as payback if DSS spends a week away from home with DP's parents? DP (and I) will be expected to be at her beck and call for months - fitting around plans and arrangements that she has made for DSS during contact time. Thank goodness there is a court order - it gives DP something to fall back on.