Pets, allergies and dsc

[Catquestions]

Just curious how other families have handled situations like ours. DH has 3 teenage dc from first marriage and we have 1 dd together. Relationship with the dsc is good. We see them roughly every other weekend though due to ages it varies a bit nowadays.
We have a dog- all good there, the dsc also have a dog with their mum. Thing is, DH and I would both love a cat. Two out of the three Dsc are mildly allergic to cats, and for this reason, they don't have one at their mums. When they visit friends with cats they usually have to take an antihistamine. Symptoms are snuffling, itchy eyes etc.
I will probably post in the pet topic to get practical advice on cat allergies but was also interested in opinions on the dsc aspect of it- I think if dsc were with us full time or even 50 % of the time it probably wouldn't be possible to get a cat. As it is, it is still not a foregone conclusion and I will do a lot of research on the matter. Has anyone ever successfully done this with a cat or any other pet with dsc? Was there an objection from their other parent?

Practically, the cat would not be in bedrooms etc but there would inevitably be the potential for a reaction. So do we go ahead and manage the fortnightly contact, or is having a cat a total no-go?

Dh and Ds allergic to cats, but we have a cat and neither of them have reacted to her.
Dh reacts to new cats but gets used to them, he is always careful about stroking her and putting his hands near his face after.
Only found out Ds was allergic because he was being tested for other allergies and they included cat. He had never reacted to our cat.
We went for a short hair as Dh thinks he is better around them, although I think Maine coon and forest cats are supposed to be less allergenic.
C

My sil is allergic to dogs and when her father moved in with his new family and they got a dog e erroneous took it as yet another sign that he wasn't committed to his old family and that sil wasn't really part of his 'home'.

The problem may be they not be around the cat enough to build up immunity to it.

Yes was going to say same as bruffin , if they were with you all the time I think it would be more feasible as they would develop and immunity.

I am allergic to cats and managed to live with one for a while yrs ago.

I would be worried about what the dsc think about you getting a cat , if they are keen and don't feel put out and are willing to take anti-histamines..well it may be possible

You could always shave the cat.

Joke.

How well do you get on with the Mum? I have a cat and I was convinced DSC Mum was going to stop the kids coming because mum likes DSC to be ill are very sickly kids.

As it was, she never did kick up a fuss and now owns a cat herself but maybe you could try talking to her and see what she thinks?

I think its bad form to get a cat when it is potentially going to make your home less comfortable for two of the kids. I'd leave it tbh.

I think that the issue you need to handle is - the DSC have been told that the reason they don't have a cat at their mum's is because of allergies, you get a cat, they think "that means it's not our home". If that is already a sensitive issue in your house, then it could make things worse.

But if everything's fine, you mention the idea to them and they think it'll be OK and they'll just take antihistamines then it might be OK. Would agree with the posters that suggest asking the DSC what they think.

Have also the same experience as others that if you're living with a pet full time you get used to it, but coming every other weekend might not be enough.

Dont do it. Cat alleergies can be really unpleasant for the sufferer. Itching, runny eyes, nose and wheezing. Not at all nice.

It would make your DSC feel really unwelcome

Thank you- all really valid points. In all honesty, and I know dsc very well, I think they would be enthusiastic but it would be in one ear out the other, more exciting things for them to be thinking of in their view! They are easy going and would probably happily take antihistamine along with the other preventative steps we could take- brushing, hoovering etc.
However. I do totally see the point of those saying no too, and I certainly dont wish to make dsc feel unwelcome at all .
DH and myself have a very limited, functional relationship with ex and certainly DH I know would not wish to consult her- not to deliberately be difficult but because we have learned that in our case, doing that is not a good idea.
I think a lot of research is necessary and even then it will most likely be a no go. Just out of interest, those saying no, do you mean that as a permanent no or just while dsc are still doing contact visits? Not being difficult, just curious really as to when a line needs to be drawn? I am guessing that in most families even when dc are adults, there will be someone close in the family a dc, a dgc, a niece or nephew, sister etc who have some sort of allergy to a dog or cat.
Obviously I am in no way referring to life threatening allergies, that is a different scenario entirely.

I really think this is a no until your DC have grown up and have their own homes. It just doesn't send a good message about who's home you view it as.

And if you don't get on with the ex this is more ammunition for her. Sorry, but it isn't hard to make you look bad for this if she wants to.

Our dd really wanted a cat for several years. She has no other pets. one of my 2 steps is allergic to cats. He visits the house 16 days in the course of a year. We got the cat, his biological parents nor he ever mentioned his allergy or moaned. He takes anti histamine.

I don't have any personal experience of step families (beyond my cousins) but have a cat allergy that is fairly severe - sometimes I need to take two tablets if I haven't been taking them regularly beforehand and I need to remove my clothes immediately I get home. This has really put me off going to my neighbour's house as I associate visiting her with physical discomfort. Likewise I have problems visiting my parents - and don't enjoy it as much as I used to - because I have become accustomed to a house (mine) that doesn't set off my allergies. Falling asleep at night is especially difficult as you become aware, more than in the daytime, of little discomforts. For that reason I wouldn't advise getting a cat as it may impact them on a subconscious level - it took me a while to realise why I didn't enjoy visiting my parents/neighbour.