how do other step-families sort out equal child minding in school holidays...and other gripes!

[valleygirl]

AAAARGH!!!
Just when I think everything is all hunky dory with my boyfriend's ex and relations are civil, something else happens to upset the balance.
This time is is the matter of child care in school holidays.
She used to work 3 out of 5 days a week - as of next year she is going to work the same hours but over 5 days. She has taken the kids out of child minding and is having the youngest in playschool then nursery in afternoon, the eldest is in school full time. So she will drop them off, and pick them up after school, and a friend will look after youngest at lunch time.

But she now has booked herself a 2 week holiday in May over half term (fine - everyone's entitled to holidays) but expect my bf to take extra holiday this year to cover for the fact that she has taken them out of child minding. When he broached her about the fact that he too wants to take 2 weeks holiday but can't if she expects him to take all this extra time off to look after the kids somehow this is unfair and he's being selfish, unreasonable, etc, etc.....

I am just so fed up of one issue after another rising it's ugly head - everything is a confrontation (a few weeks ago it was "unfair" on her that he and i were wanting to having our own child!! FFS)

How do other step-parents balance this child care thing without it becoming all out war - it was all fine before the child minder was dumped incidentally!

sorry to moan, but am so frustrated......
vg

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This year we both took a week off and took boys away in August - My bf also took a week off in April to look after them during the Easter break when she was off in Thailand with her bf. He is taking the first half of the Christmas break to have them. So far it has been a pretty equal split between them with regards to the school holidays, (and we have them for 32 weekends of the year, and once a week during the week - so more than a fair share I think) but now she is going back to work 5 days a week (which seemed for about 30 seconds a sensible idea)it throws up a whole load of issues.

I wouldn't dream of saying that she doesn't need/deserve a holiday - but she then seems to think it a liberty that we also would like to go away together.

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that's another thing - aparantly, even though the kids won'r be with a child minder anymore and therefore she will be out a lot less, she will expect the same maintainance because she can't claim any money she's spending on child care back from the government because she's just paying a friend to take care of them in the hours whilst she's at work. Does this make sense or is she pulling a fast one?

If he could have reduced monthly paynments then we could have set that spare money aside to take care of any extra child care needed in the holidays, but this way we are still pushed to the limits financially, with absolutely no money spare to take care of this new child care problem......

what to do?!

that SHOULD read "paying out a lot less" for child care!!!

Is your money worked out by the CSA? In which case you can't reduce it because of childcare costs, but it will go down a bit if you have your own child. I'm rather surprised she's off for two weeks without the children, but that's just me. How many weeks of holiday a year will you have the children? HOw many weeks of holiday does she have? If it's a 50/50 split, how come she can have two weeks without the kids? Is she not planning to go on holiday with them this year?? Bit confused.

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I think that, technically, it's only illegal if it is in the carers home and not the child's own home. That's why babysitting is legal. sorry, have't read the rest of the thread

Yeah soupy's right, as nanny's don't have to be registered.

thanks everyone for feedback - interesting info about the fact it's illegal to pay someone unregistered to look after a child - it is infact the case that she will be paying her friend about £120 a month to look after her son at the friend's house, not her own.

Aloha - the money my bf pays her was decided between the two of them - legally he only has to pay her about £200 a month, he pays her more than double this and we don't have our own children at the moment. it's not that either of us begrudge the money he gives her - it's for the kids benefit, not hers - but i think she is a little complacent as to how great the set up is for her as asingle parent.

As for holidaying without the boys - she has a bf who is not interested in being anythign other than the guy she goes out with at weekends to parties, pubs, etc - she is making up for all that socialising that she didn't do before my bf and her split up. and that definitely doesn't involve the boys.

She gets 17 days holiday a year, and my bf gets 20 days holiday - 7 days of our 2 week holiday would actually be work time - so infact actual holiday taken would only be 3 or 4 days!! unlike the 10 days she would have to take.

we don't split child care 50/50 - more like we have them a third of the year - but still, we do more than fair share and do so happily. this year we will have had them for 2 full weeeks of school holidays and part of christmas, and a day here and there when my bf has lieu days in the week so that she can work the extra time to gain holiday days. Perfect set up at the moment. say it again - so bloody frustrating.

anyone know good child minders in hackney???!!!!