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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Fathers Day

16 replies

Kaluki · 19/06/2012 12:52

Oh dear! DSC have really upset DP and I have ended up being the baddie!!!
I didnt take them out to buy fathers day cards ( he doesn't do mothers day cards or birthday cards from my kids - my mum or ex do it)
The reason is simply that I forgot! I don't have a dad so I ignore Fathers Day usually! My dc made their own cards when they were with my mum.
DSC announced on Sunday that they didn't bother because they made cards for their Mjns boyfriend and didn't have time to make DP one!
Understandably he was upset, devastated even.
But now it seems I am to blame for not sorti g out cards on Saturday - even though I was working all day!
These kids can treat him like shit and somehow it is my fault!
It didn't stop them demanding (and getting) a shopping spree on Sunday afternoon

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Original poster

Kaluki · 19/06/2012 12:53

Sorry for the typos!
They made cards for their Mums boyfriend!!!

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FringeEvent · 19/06/2012 13:02

Who is blaming you - your DP or his children? How old are the DSCs?

theredhen · 19/06/2012 13:18

Kaluki, remind us how old the DSC are?

Petal02 · 19/06/2012 14:14

My DH wasn't very happy on Father's Day either (although thankfully he didn't blame me). It doesn't matter how many times you remind DSS, he still won't remember to buy a card, so I tend to buy one for him, then he can write it and give it to his Dad.

But despite doing that, and standing over him while he wrote on the card, he still didn't manage to put it in the post, or bring it over in advance (he wasn't with us on the weekend of Father's Day). However despite DH being upset, I can guarantee he won't say anything to DSS - there are never any consequences for DSS, and because of this, things will never change.

Original poster

Kaluki · 19/06/2012 15:40

They are 8 and 10.
He made a comment about how he thought I might have encouraged them to get/make a card when I realised they hadn't bothered. Then after a whole day of the miseries we had the "woe is me... You don't know how it feels bla bla bla!"
But to the kids he is all happy happy happy - once again no consequences for them but I get a bad mood aimed at me!!
I'm annoyed that they felt the need to tell him they made a card for their Mums bf - it was rubbing his nose in it. It shows me how little they respect him - he is just a walking wallet to them both!

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DizzySometimes · 19/06/2012 20:15

Ack - I don't get how it is your responsibility at all (particularly as he doesn't return the favour). I didn't take my DSS out to get his Dad a card as his Mum is really good at that kind of thing (and I don't think he'd take any notice of me anyway). However, even with her planning, he still needed prompting to say 'Happy Father's Day' (as we had him) after about 2 hours - what the heck is that all about? I was extremely irritated (I know - not my problem), particularly as he apparently can do no wrong. Sorry - venting a little there, as I get sick of hearing how perfect he is from DH's family when he really isn't!

SidneyBristow · 19/06/2012 20:51

Kaluki I think your DP directed his anger at you, not because he feels like you did anything wrong, but because you're the easiest target and you're the only one in the situation he might prevail upon. It's poor and I'd be annoyed if I were you. His problem isn't you, it's two children who aren't expected to show the slightest bit of consideration, and so rise to that level with flying colors it sounds like. A shopping spree after saying they don't have to acknowledge Father's Day to their own father...mind boggling.

FWIW my DH was totally blanked on FD as well; his children are younger, but for some reason he seemed surprised that their mother didn't make sure they had a card to give him. Nevermind the fact that she hasn't acknowledged any holidays towards him in years...he still makes sure the kids have a card/gift to give on MD/her birthday etc. This year I had no sympathy as I didn't receive any acknowledgement at all of Stepmother's Day, and in fact was told it was a made-up holiday and then alternately that it didn't count since I had only been their stepmother officially for a few weeks, and was out of the country on the day (and still am, which is why I had no involvement in FD card/gift this year).

I hate the idea of these children growing up believing that these slights/oversights or general nonchalance towards special occasions is acceptable, unless of course the gifts are going in their direction.

DizzySometimes · 20/06/2012 00:19

Oh, me too! I understand that children don't remember everything all of the time (who does?!), but I guess I see things from the other side, and know how much DH does for his son, which makes me all the more frustrated as DSS thinks that's 'the norm'. For him, it is, but a lot of Dads don't do as much, and I wish he'd appreciate it. I know that a lot of adults don't appreciate their parents, so it's perhaps a stretch to expect that of a teen, but I also don't like hearing the 'oh, it's what they do when they're teens' line, as I think that can be used to excuse behaviour that can get worse if not checked.

DizzySometimes · 20/06/2012 00:23

Sorry, kaluki, vented there a bit. I think SidneyBristow is right about you being the easiest target. The same thing would probably happen if you had children together; in which case you'd probably accept it a bit easier and be able to do something about the fact they were then taken out shopping (!). What's that about?! Do you think occasions like this might change his stance at all?

Original poster

Kaluki · 20/06/2012 09:21

Do you know what the most frustrating thing is?
Lately he has been disciplining them more so he sees their lack of fathers day card as a sign that they aren't happy With this - hence the shopping trip to buy back their affection .
So in effect the dc have punished him right back and got one over on him!
Thanks for all the replies - I know he wasn't properly angry at me, he was upset understandably!

I give up with the whole situation I really do!

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theredhen · 20/06/2012 10:54

Oh Kaluki, I can see exactly the same thing happening in my house. Fortunately my step kids did remember (with prompting) - which is a first.

Of course kids will kick back against discipline if they have been getting away with blue murder for so long. They will want to see exactly where the new boundaries are and will kick against them for a while.

Seems to me, they have learnt that "nasty" daddy is actually "guilty" daddy and will milk it for all it's worth.

If he was to be consistent, fair and just to all the people in his family, the long term result would be happiness for everyone. It seems some people are incapable of seeing things long term though aren't they?

Original poster

Kaluki · 20/06/2012 12:44

I think it shows what nasty manipulative little brats they are. They knew it would upset him that they made cards for their Mums bf (she left my DP for this man after a year long affair) and they used it to their own advantage.
Aside from that they have never made me mothers day / birthday cards because they know there is nothing in it for them.
I'm so to think what horrible people they are growing into.
Stuff this blended family malarkey! I'm starting to think we will never be that as the more I see of them the more I want to run detach.

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Original poster

Kaluki · 20/06/2012 14:17

And while I'm on a rant ... Not once did he ask if I was ok on Sunday. My dad is dead and fathers day just brings it all back but did I get a jot of sympathy?

No.
Once again it has become all about him / his kids and my feelings aren't important!
I would give anything to have my Dad back and these selfish horrible children treat their own dad so appallingly!
really not feeling the love at the moment

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shrimponastick · 20/06/2012 14:20

I hear ya!

I bought my DS a card to send to his DF. I bougth a card for the DSC to give to their DF (my DH) - but he hasn't received it.

I asked DSS where it was but he said he had forgotten. grr........

theredhen · 20/06/2012 14:21

Kaluki,

Snap. My Dad is dead too and not one iota of sympathy or thought for me.

Had to comfort him because he didn't get to talk to his youngest on the first two attempts of calling. Of course he had to remind her it was Fathers day when he did get through.

Kaluki, I think our DP's must be long lost brothers.

Original poster

Kaluki · 20/06/2012 16:37

I think they must be Redhen!!
Separated at birth
DP is the loveliest man but he has a blind selfish streak when it comes to his dc.
I have decided to let him get on with his ridiculous Disney parenting and let him suffer the consequences!
My priority is now my dc and they are great kids. I am going to enjoy and appreciate my time with them more and stop stressing about two bad mannered brats who quite frankly aren't worth it!

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