Any advice when dealing with step parents?

[buggyRunner]

Hi- I'll give u my parents history-
Dad a drinker and mum split up when I was 14
Dad moves 2 houses away yet never saw me/ or financially contributed
Mum gets Boyf who is "old friend" (who it turns out she has been seeing since I was 4)
Step dad moves in - gr8 relationship like real dad

Years pass dad gets married never tells me
Mum marries sf.
I have 2 dc and am 29 & move far away

Mum and sf move and look after my dc once a week. Dc know sf as grandad.

I move to original home for a few weeks- bump into dad. He meets kids and comes for a brew. Texts me the following day (showing he had has number and credit but just never bothered to call for 4 years despite me sending him cards each birthday etc)

Anyway who the f*ck gives me away?
Can I invite both dads to things at the same time?
Oh yeah and dad told me him and my step mum are ttc!!!! (she is late 30's, from Ukraine and fully supports him)

Dad no longer drinks

Oh reason for us being in home town is due to our house purchase taking longer than sale so moved into family home which mum rents out (2 doors away from dads house)

Could you go non-traditional and not have anyone giving you away? Walk down the aisle on your own.

Do they still say the "who gives this woman...." bit anymore?

But is it ok to invite both? Do I invite 1 before the other just incase they dont want the other one there? I'm thinking of christening? Birthdays? Who do I ask to give me a hand moving?

It's so strange- even though my dad was awful I still feel guilty about loving my sf more iyswim?

Do what you want to do! It's your day. Your Dad hasn't been a big part of your life do shouldn't expect to be treated as if he had.

If I were you I'd get my step Dad to give me away but also invite my Dad.

I agree totally with redhen.

I got married a few weeks ago and chose not to have anybody 'give me away'. My bioDad asked me directly if he could and I said it wasn't that kind of wedding. I walked down the aisle with my DSD instead and that arrangement worked well for us. Maybe something non-traditional could work for you too. But don't feel awkward about asking who you choose if you want to be traditional. My advice would be to be explicit with people - so perhaps that might mean inviting your Dad along with a clear understanding that he's welcome and you'd like him to be there as part of you two rebuilding a relationship from this point forward - but he comes with the knowledge that your StepDad is doing the 'giving away' bit because he's been the stable father figure for X years and...well...that's what you want! Your day - your choice and if others don't like it then it's a big fat lump it situation.

If you decide on no 'giving away' then in terms of inviting both - hell yes - but only if you think they both have your best interests at heart and it won't cause you any stress. My StepDad and BioDad don't get on at all - not particularly acrimonious just two entirely different people who would never choose to spend time together - so as far as I'm aware they completely avoided each other at the wedding and their paths didn't even cross & I didn't worry at all about whether it was going to cause a problem because I had a level of confidence that they wanted me to have a lovely day so they wouldn't do anything to jeopardise that.

But again - don't put yourself under pressure on the day - if it is right for you not to invite your BioDad then don't feel you have to. if it's right for you to invite him then that's got to be OK too. Discuss with your OH & decide what's right for you - not what convention or family or other people think you should do.