Really sad, it's all just hit

[thenambysm]

Just that really. So sad for DP... Sad for me, heartbroken for DD

I know it might get better, it might blow over, she might get sick of Mum and come back but for now I feel like I'm grieving....

How do I support DP when I'm feeling so fragile? I feel so selfish for being sad when it's not about me. I was just looking through our old photos to see if actually DSD is right about how she's always hated us and been miserable in our company, she doesn't look like it. But maybe she has, in which case all those memories are ruined.

I can't offer any words to fix ur pain but am thinking of u at such an awful time. Hang in there. x

No advice, but wanted to reply and offer some sympathy. I don't think it is selfish for you to feel sad, either - after all, it is about you, too!
I hope this passes.

Of course you aren't selfish.
It is about you - they are your family.
I am sure she will come back x

Thanks all. Dd asked me thus morning if it was her fault, I found a load of cards she'd made for dsd underneath the poof in her room
Dh's dsis had tried to talk her round and she just listed the most irrational reasons for why she hates her dad and I - I guess that was reassuring as there is nothing "real" she also said she doesn't care about aunt or any of the family.
Eurghh miserable times ahead.

Hey there,we're going through the same.

It's so common and utterly shit. If you want to search my previous threads there is some great advice on there from some lovely mumsnetters.
We are ten months down the line, it's still awful but we keep writing, texting and calling weekly so that she knows we are still here.

I am currently very angry with my step daughter and finding it hard to be positive with her but I do it comes and goes.

Just read your other thread and wanted to say how sorry I was. We were in a similar situation a few years back - DSS behaved appalingly but DHs ex-wife protected him from the consequences and he decided to cut us off for about three years...It was really, really painful for DH. He kept hoping, texting and writing letters but nothing worked. Then, one time DSS replied to a text and came and saw us again and we now see each other weekly again and holiday together...I'm sure this will happen to you. I'm sure Dsd knows deep down that she is behaving badly, but she can't face up to that or change that now, especially while her mum is supporting the bad behaviour.
Ours isn't entirely a happy ending. We still 'tiptoe' around Dss. That particular time is not talked about and we know that he is lible to disappear if anything happens that he doesn't like, so in that sense it isn't a normal parenting relationship. Still, for DH, its better than nothing...
Give it time...

Thank you both. I will search your threads.
I bought the Woodhalls book on separated parenting last week and just finished or. I got it because I had a panic about my own DD and the effect our separation may have had on her and as I read all the advice I realised that instinctively my ex and I had done a lot if it without realising - that refreshed my sadness for dsd and my dp.
The person he is dealing with is completely and utterly damaged and he could never hope to have agenda-free conversations with her. He has nothing left to give and it's all so pointless. Not so much as a text today from his dd - the child he has cared for and supported for 13 years on fathers day. It's just horrible.

Woodall's - sorry.