Have been married almost 4 years, I have 3 previous DCs aged 8-19, DH has a DD aged 9 & we have a DD together aged 2.
His DD aged 9 has always been an "only child" at home & Islas always wanted to be the centre of attention. Her grandparents on both sides live near her & have always doted on her. She has always been competitive with my DD aged 8 to some extent but they have always got on well generally & we set up riding lessons etc for when she's here for the weekend to help the girls have a mutual interest & fun together.
There's always been a history of DSD trying to get DD into trouble by constantly telling tales about her but I have always refused to take sides but she has recently stepped things up a gear. She has realised that if she tells her daddy that DD has pinched her he goes ballistic & punishes DD & gives DSD 100% attention which of course was the whole point. I try to intervene but am accused of
undermining his authority as a parent. DSD is now refusing to come to our house saying that DD pinches her & calls her smelly (!!). I know that of course she also calls DD names at times & has pushed her & spat at her in the past & my view is we should let kids sort out their own squabbles & not take sides but DH. DGPs & EXW have now all ganged up saying DSD is not coming at weekends anymore because it is an abusive environment & DH is going to his parents most weekends to spend them with her there. Our family holiday in August will also be cancelled for everyone because she doesn't want to come & DH won't come without her.
She has told blatant lies about my treatment of her which DH & his family believe as well as about DD's behaviour.
We are now talking about separating as we cannot continue like this. We have a couples counselling session on Thursday but basically DH is absolutely entrenched in his view that my DD is a "violent bully" (even though she is 18 months younger & half the size of DSD & no one has ever made a similar complaint about her or have there ever been any "injuries") & that I am in denial about her & am undermining DH by not letting thus continue.
Is this the end? Is there any hope?