DSD wants to live with us (also posted in Legal)

[Lala1980]

DP has 4 kids that stay with us EO weekend and 1 school holidays a year.
DSSs 10,6,4 and DSD 8.
DSD has told us on many occasions that she is unhappy at home. No high risk neglect or anything like that, but children seems unstimulated and bored as they are babysat by TV/video games a lot of the time, and fend for themselves when she is online gaming or in bed with toyboy!!!
The boys don't seem to mind as they like TV/video games but DSD is a really outdoorsy girl, loves school and homework, and loves being at ours because she can go horse riding, walk the dogs play on her bike.
She says her mum picks on her at home and believes the boys over her, and she gets left out as I presume it is easier to please the majority so it's usually the boys' TV choices etc... they don't get involved in any extracurricular activites with school. DSD is bored stiff, and keeps asking if she can live with us.
We cannot afford a big legal battle, and DP's ex wife does seems to see the kids as a meal ticket i.e. would care more about losing benefits/CSA money than losing daughter...
At what stage can DSD choose? Have we got a leg to stand on in court if there is no high risk neglect? There are silly things the children report to us like eating a lot of pot noodles, no fruit/veg, no exercise etc... but I don't think that would wash in a court of law...

I'm not really sure about how much chance you'd have of getting her to live with you - but worth being aware (and possibly making the ex aware) that the CSA payments are the same for 3 kids as for 4 so she wouldn't lose any money there (except anything that she was due to pay you - but if she's not working that would be a pretty notional amount). Other benefits would reduce slightly but probably no more than her actual costs would go down once she was no longer feeding DD, etc.

Could you suggest some compromise for the time being - eg she comes to you every weekend, and see how that goes first?

Or let mum know that you wouldn't claim csa for the dsd so if she sent her to you she would actually SAVE money.
I would encourage dsd to have at least a night a week or more with Mum though - she may not be a shining beacon of motherhood but she is still get Mum and like you say, it's not actual neglect.

Is it worth saying to her Mum that DSD thinks the grass is greener and perhaps she could come and live with you and it won't affect her maintenance anyway etc? If it can be done amicable in that way it would be much better all around.