My DD is due to change schools soon, and there is an information evening for parents and pupils to go along to coming up.
I've never attended these things jointly with my ex - too much hostility, unfortunately, so best avoided.
My DP's involvement with DD's schooling has been limited; when DD was younger, and parents went to the see the staff on their own, I would go to a meeting separate from my ex and sometimes DP would come along, sometimes he didn't. In the last year, DD has been allowed to go along to parents evening with whichever parent she was with, and DP has never come along, even if DD wasn't with me.
My ex, however, has always encouraged his stbDW to be fully involved - she has always gone along to parents evenings with or without DD, and other events - ex even wanted her to come along to the mum&daughter session they did in year 5 with the school nurse although DD wasn't quite as keen on that, so she didn't. When my DD was looking around prospective schools she attended all the open evenings with DP and SM - I went along at a different time to look around the school on my own.
So, the dilemma is, does my DP come along to the information evening with me, or not. DD will be there with her Dad and SM, and I get the usual "don't mind" shrug if I ask her what she would prefer. I think DP feels like he can't win; if he comes, she might think he's interfering, but if he doesn't, she might think that he doesn't care about her as much as her SM does.
I'm not sure either. I know that it won't be detrimental to DD's education if DP doesn't go, although she might feel a bit miffed that her SM is there but SDad isn't. I know that exH won't do himself any favours and is likely to make a big song and dance about the fact that DD's stepmum is there to all the staff they meet and probably a lot of the other parents as well - he's not very socially adept, and very proud of the way his stbDW has accepted DD, so tends to make a bit of a scene about non-issues like this!
Words of wisdom, please, wise stepparents!