announcing baby to step son - how?

[Tuzz]

I have a 13 yrold step son who lives with us, Mother is deceased. I'm 6 wks pregnant so don't need to tell him just yet but do any of you have any experience do/don't advice?

I'm wondering the same - my DS is 8 and we're due Feb 6th but I'm already worried about how to handle the announcement.

Also, curious if we should tell warn his bioM or let him do that?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated!

Congrats btw Tuzz!

I'm due around the 6th too!
Think in your case I'd tell his bioM 1st, that way it isn't a shock if he starts to chat about it.
I'm in a real muddle, we're supposed to be moving house, country and start new jobs/school in July/september. Seems that everything is about to change and I'm not sure we are all ready for it!

Hmmm. Don't I think we'd ever tell bioM before telling DSS as we've had several situations in which she's told him things that she really shouldn't have (ie. who ruins their own kid's surprise Bday party by telling him about it?!). And this really isn't her news to tell him, IYSWIM. I suppose my question was more of whether we should tell her before DS does or if we should take a back seat and let him share the news (since it will be his news to share!)

You do have a lot going on, but it will all work out. What country are you moving to and will your DSS be going with you as well?

*I don't think

Congratulations, both! Exciting times ahead...
My DSS was 9 1/2 when DD was born, he was one of the first to know. We tried to involve him by showing him scan pictures, stuff about how the baby is progressing, making it a "family" thing that he's a part of, rather than something special for me and DH. We referred to the bump as "your DSis/DBro" rather than "our DD/DS" and now he just loves her! We joked that he would have to change nappies in the night time, and my DSis even bought him a new pair of pyjamas to wear for it! It is a difficult balance though, and I guess 13 is a more tricky age, but it does work out.
Laura we told BioM after DS as you're right, it's not her news to share.

We also made sure my partners 8 year old son was the first to know to make him feel included. My partner told him by himself in case there were any issues he might prefer to discuss without me present. He seemed fine in an 8 yr old boy with no clue about babies or what it might mean sort of way! We then all plotted together about fun ways to tell the extended family like hiding the scan photo in a frame and taking bets on who would be the first to notice ortoiling everyone up for a photo and saying 'awing is pregnant' instead of saying cheese to capture their expressions. He didn't get the idea of a distant future brother or sister but did get the sense of enjoyment in a surprise for his grandparents which helped set the whole thing off on a good start.

Because we wanted to manage it carefully ourselves and didn't trust his ex not to tell him herself (or indeed the rest of my DPs family) we didn't tell her before. We didn't think she would be shocked or react badly if DSS told her himself but when it became clear he hadnt told her a few weeks later (he had more important 8th old boy things on his mind) we did send her a brief email to let her know.
13 is a trickier age I think and may take a bit more sensitivity depending on the circumstances. Mostly because a teenager has a slightly more idea that this is a big thing for the whole family and may have more worries., I know of older boys with new half brothers and sisters who have really taken to it. I hate the term 'half' too and we don't use it. It's brought out a lovely nurturing side in them and they find small siblings a useful temptation for attracting teenage girls!

Congratulations btw!

My DSS is 8 and our first joint DC is due in September.

We told our families at 12weeks once we had a scan photo and then told DSS at about the same time (he lives with us). DP sent a text to exW after DSS was told just to keep her in the loop (she even said congratulations!!! )

DSS was actually quite upset when we first told him, as in buckets of tears, but once we worked out that he was mainly bothered about the baby interfering with his lego, the words 'you'll never have to share your toys' was an instant calmer. He is now really excited about it but has solemnly told me he would prefer it to be a boy.

Being the step-parent within the dynamic, it was really important to me that DSS felt included but also to have it understood that he is a child and as such doesn't really get a say in what happens - ie sibling will arrive whether you like it or not and things like names - he can suggest ones but ultimately myself and DP are the parents and will make the decisions. When we told DSS very coincidentally he had just asked about 'where babies come from' so literally the week before we announced the pregnancy we had bought him a book and were answering lots of questions.

As your DSS is a teenager I can't really advise how to approach it, I would probably tell him first after 12 weeks (its much easier to show a scan picture to make it 'real') IFSWIM. Rather than say 'we're having a baby' which might make him feel excluded, maybe say it like 'you're going to be a big brother'.

However you approach it, just be positive and upbeat, and congratulations!! what exciting news for you

Thanks, that is good advise. I had a MC 2 yrs ago so was planning on waiting a little bit. I think he may sus something with no alcohol and emotions - fingers crossed he doesn't

Congratulations!
My SS's were quite horrified when we told them! Be prepared for them not to share your joy and to possible be tearful/embarrased even angry. This is how my SS's initially reacted.
It needs very careful handling and you need to sell it to him as a really positive thing for DSS and the whole family. Involve SS in coming up with a list of names (you don't have to use any of them!) and family celebrations.. He needs to be reassured alot that he is still loved and isn't being replaced.

I'd just like to add that the arrivals of babies have had a very positive outcome in the long run and really helped the whole step family situation!

I would tell him just shortly before you plan to tell everyone else (eg at the time of your first scan). If you tell him before that, he may want to talk to friends, etc about it - so if you're not yet ready for all those people (and everyone they tell) to know, then not yet.

My DS is 12 and has recently had a new brother at his dad's house. He was overall quite happy about it, though did say also that it was a bit "wierd" because he would be so much older, so it wouldn't really be like a brother he could play with. He also already has a younger sister, and thinks younger siblings are generally a pain - but if your DSS is an only child in the long run it may be a lovely thing for him. Be prepared for practical questions pretty quickly once you do tell him - eg where will the baby sleep, will it be allowed in his room, etc. My DS was also quite keen on the possibility of earning some extra cash from babysitting in years to come.

You can always buy some alcohol free larger or claim a slight stomach upset to cover up being pregnant for a few more weeks.