Why does she do this?

[madonnawhore]

DP already has his DD 50/50. Although because of all the extra weekends and week nights he does as 'favours', it's actually more like 60/40 .

A few months ago he took on an additional weeknight as part of the access arrangements. Now his ex is asking him to take on yet another additional weeknight because she wants to be able to go and see her boyfriend.

I'm just so angry and disgusted at her fucked up priorities. I know there's nothing practically that I can do. But it just pisses me off so much that she has this beautiful daughter but going out with her mates and seeing her boyfriend is so much more important

Wtf is wrong with some people?

It makes me so sad in behalf of DP's DD.

I think it sounds great
You & dp get to see your step dd lots and lots

Yeah obviously DP is really happy about all the extra time. But I just think that his DD is missing out on time with her mum, which is important, no? She's a bright kid and it's going to make her feel bad when she understands that her mum isnt spending time with her because she's with her boyfriend.

My own mum was especially shit, so I know what it's like to grow up with a crap mum. I guess I just feel sad for DSD that she might grow up feeling the same way I do.

Also, her mum's selfishness just astounds me. I get so angry at the injustice of it.

Poor little thing!
She's lucky you and her dad are so keen to have her.

Poor girl

It is a shame when one parent is less committed to their DC; but the positive is that your DSD has a living dad and SM to spend time with

What worries me more in these situations is when the 'less committed' parent is, on paper and in the eyes of the law, the resident parent - and so is considered responsible for day to day decisions (such as school applications etc) about a child they may not know very well and spend limited time with

Does your DP receive CB (which is generally the benefit used to establish residency) or is his ex still receiving that?

His ex gets all CB, tax credits, etc. He had a real struggle getting her to agree to apply for a better primary school up the road. She would have let DSD go to the shitty one round the corner from her because it was easy.

Also, he's been over paying maintenance. When he told her, she hit the roof and said that if anything, he should be paying her even more than she's already getting. Yeah right, because she has her DD sooooo much. It must be really expensive for her

So if he has the child 60% of the time shouldn't he be getting the tax credits etc?

Well yes, technically he should. But that would mean making it official that he was the RP and not her, no?

He's always said that there's no way she'd ever let him be the RP. Because even though she blatantly can't be arsed with her DD, making him the RP would force her confront the fact that she's a shit mum (there, I said it). And she's in denial about that fact. As long as she can keep doing what she wants to do and bugger everyone else, she's sitting pretty.

If he rocked the boat by pointing out that actually, she's out of order and it would make much more sense for his DD to live with him. All hell would break loose.

Deep down he's petrified that if he ever suggested it, she'd retaliate by puling the drawbridge up and limiting his access to one day a fortnight or something. She's vindictive enough to do something like that.

Yeah i can see why he is worried about that. Sounds like she practically lives with you anyway it all ways but officially.

Poor little girl.

Are you close to her?

Unfortunately for some women having children provides a meal ticket or a way to get a bigger council house or a weapon to hurt their ex! They produce these poor kids then use them for their own greedy narcissistic ends.
No wonder the country is in such a mess.

Yes PPIMT, we're all pretty close. Go on holidays together, etc. She's a lovely little girl.

Kaluki, my DP earns a really, really good salary (not stealth boasting, just fact ). Whereas his ex works in a shop two days a week and the rest of the time she gets money off the state and her parents (her dad is quite well off).

It's not even like she really needs the cash or she'd be destitute. Nor does my DP for that matter. It's just symptomatic of her sense of entitlement. She lives her life as if everyone (including her daughter) should make allowances so that she can do what she wants.

I said to DP, 'why is her only option not to see DSD for Thurs nights so she can go see her BF? Can she not take DSD with her?'. And DP said it was because She has to leave early on Thursdays to get to her BF's house and doesn't want to wait for DSD to finish school, because it'll be a waste of the day .

Like, GOD FORBID her daughter's education should stand in the way of her getting her end away!

Its good that you are close, she'll benefit from that i am sure.

How old is she?

It sounds sickening but I'm so so glad that she has her dad and you to even things out. It sounds as though she is still quite little but I wouldn't be at all surprised if she votes with her feet and chooses to be with you permanently as soon as she is old enough.

If ex-w relies on you two so much to pick up the care for DSD, what would she do if she did pull up the drawbridge on access? Who would look after DSD then when ex is wanting to be off at her bf's?

I think he should say ok we'll have DC most of the time but maintaince therefore won't be payable. He'd struggle to get her to agree to signing over tax credits & child benefits without a fight so maybe she could use that money to buy DCs clothes & shoes. If he goes through the CSA they will ask him to keep a contact diary & will then probably ask her to pay him maintenance!! What would she say to that?!!

DP's ex has always behaved like this. She was supposed to have the kids this bank holiday weekend (we split them 50:50 each year) but we found out she had left them on their own. (BTW they are old enough). She has never taken them away on holiday, refuses to amend the rota we have in place (because she misses them so much has always refused to do anything that DP has requested) and it really p*** me off.
Then I take a deep breath and think at least their dad spends a lot of time with them, they have lovely memories of the times we have been away with them and I do think there will come a time when she will regret not having spent the time with them when she had the chance.

I know exactly how you feel. If this is what she wants she needs to make it official and not claim benefits for the child . You are absolutely right this little girl does need to spend more time with her mum. It rejection and will not have a Paiute effect in teenage years. We would have my step children living with us full time but they wouldn't thank us for it in the long run. Tell the mother that you will be te primary carets and that she needs to inform family/working tax credits etc. she will soon change her mind!