Access arrangements over Bank Holiday Weekend?

[Petal02]

Just wondered what everyone?s doing regarding access arrangements over the long bank holiday weekend?

I confess that when I realised it would be an access weekend, I decided it would be best to literally leave the country! Access weekends are usually Thurs 4pm-Sun 6pm, but if it?s a bank holiday then the access extends to accommodate the longer weekend. Which would have meant Thurs 4pm-Tues 6pm but as DSS would have been due back for his mid-week night on the Wednesday, there would have been no point taking him home on Tues night, and as it?s half term DH he wouldn?t be at school on Thurs morning, so he would have probably slept for most of the day.

So we would have ended up with an access weekend which spanned 7 days.

The flights are booked, the cases are packed. I know I?ll never go to heaven, but is a little self-preservation such a bad thing ??????

Enjoy!

Are you really leaving the country to avoid having your husband's son for a week?

We booked to take all the DC away to a holiday park for the long weekend. Only we're not now taking DP's DD1 (nearly 15) as she declared on Sunday that she was "not coming" and that her mum had said she could stay at hers if she wanted. DP rang his ex who confirmed that she'd already told DD1 this and blamed us for booking holidays at bad times - which is pretty unfair as she booked up numerous holidays for the entire year about 18 months in advance, taking advantage of all the best times.

DP's DD1 doesn't want to go away this weekend as she'll have just finished exams and wants to hang out and party with new boyfriend relax. DP is rather sad about it because the only other holiday we have planned is a week that clashed with a school field trip (pretty much the only week left to us after ex had booked her various trips away) so she won't be coming on holiday at all with us this year. But can't see what else we can do about it - the court order says he can have his DC every weekend, but we can't exactly drag a "child" who's bigger than I am into the car can we? Just decided that next year we will book up holiday dates a bit earlier.

Enjoy your weekend away, Petal. Am quite jelous as we've only managed one weekend away without the DC this year. Am holding out for another one in the autumn.

We'd always planned to take this trip in June 2012, and whichever dates within the month we'd chosen, it would have clashed with access. However I realised there was a long weekend, which meant (a) having to use less of my holiday entitlement; and (b) escaping the UK on a potentially rainy bank holiday, it seemed a good idea. And then when I realised it would prevent the longest access weekend since records began ...... well, it was a no-brainer.

Whilst I expect to be flamed from some people, I also know quite a few other step mums who would have seized the same opportunity.

and for you Petal. I can only applaud your foresight and wish you a very happy holiday.

For once you have put yourself first, good for you. Hope your DH appreciates his holiday too.

bon voyage

Well played petal!
I am trying to see if I can swing a week away with my dc to visit family abroad when my steps come to visit in August.
I have no chance though. DP can't cope with a week on his own with them

Kabuki,

Leave him and go. It will do him good to see what you do and the effect his parenting has. I'm visiting family too on the summer with ds and doing it over an access weekend.

We have some real issues here. Dp is in a terrible situation and really upset and worried so I'm worried about him but on a personal level I'll be having less work and more quality time with ds this weekend and most importantly I won't feel the ex wife is dictating my life.

Good for you Petal. Watching a near 18 yo skulk around the house for an extremely long access 'weekend' over a potentially rainy bank holiday just because it says so on the rota would be too much for me to bear too.

Well we are also going away this weekend, despite rota. DH is, to his credit, starting to try to introduce flexibility due to their ages. Their mother forbids them to see him outside of the rota, but we wont let her dictate our lives in this way. It's a BH, really good opportunity to have a break without using up holiday entitlement, so is a no brainer. Luckily she won't hear of access extending beyond a Sunday, despite the 'rota' saying it should on a BH.

There a quite a few things over the coming months that we?d like to involve DSS in, but if they don?t fall on ?our? weekends, then he can?t come. I pointed this out to DH, who agreed it was time to start being more flexible (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) although I?m not getting too excited because we?ve been here before.

Whilst the ex is still insisting we stick to the rota, she views it as a minimum position, ie we have to do Thurs-Sun EOW at the very least, but she?s always happy if we have DSS more, but any less it not allowed. If we have him for even a few hours less than the rota, she?s making noises about wanting increased maintenance, but I doubt she?d expect DH to claim a rebate if we have DSS for more than the rota states!

I think DSS?s idea of flexibility is to maintain Thurs-Sun EOW but then have ?extra? visits on the weekend in-between. And I have to be careful about this.

We fly tonight, and we?re back on 10 June. So DSS will come to us on the next weekend, ie Thursday14-Sunday17 June. However there?s a family event the following weekend (23 June) that we?d like to take him to. Ideally I?d like to DSS to have a shorter visit on weekend 14-17 June, and then still come with us on the 23rd, but I?m not taking him with us on the 23rd if we?ve done ?full access? on the weekend before. To the rest of the population, a weekend is Saturday-Sunday. In DSS-world, a weekend is Thursday-Sunday, and by the time that?s over, I really don?t feel like giving up a chunk of the following weekend too. I?d far rather do ?little and often? instead of 4 days EOW.

As it stands now, DH/DSS often miss out on doing normal father/son things together (ie there might be a cricket match they could have enjoyed together) simply because the rota states they shouldn?t be together that particular day. Which is madness at DSS?s age.

Yep happens here two. DH will not actually see DSSs for another 6 weeks now because either we are away or they are away on each of the forthcoming 'access' weekends, and their mother will not allow them to see DH outside of these weekends (for anyone who doesn't know, this includes a 16yo!)

Well done Petal. I'd do that too if I thought I could get away with it

I am very very excited that I took your advice Redhen and am booking a flight to visit my family while he has his dc in August.
I sold it to him last night by saying that he can put up with spend quality time with his little darlings and so won't have time to miss us and they will benefit from individual time with him while we get to spend time with my family, which his dc would find boring anyway.

I know who is going to have the better holiday!!!!

In your circumstances, Petal, I would have done the same thing. In fact I wish I had a few times (hindsight is a wonderful thing).

It always seemed to be worked that access was during every BH, and I mean every one - for the last 13 years. coincidence? I think not.

Kaluki,

Well done! You will have a lovely time.

Every time I drive off with my DS, I feel a great sense of relief knowing that there will be no crap from ex wife or from the kids until I get back. All of a sudden I am in control of my life again for just a short while and it feels luuuvvverly.

Keep reminding him of what a lovely time he will have and how good it will be for his kids to spend quality time with him while secretly hoping they play him up! to remind him how much you do.