Please help me gain some perspective

[whackamole]

DSS' mum had a baby about 2 weeks ago. We have just found out that he is not well, in and out of hospital .

I cannot stop thinking about it, it makes me want to cry. I have a baby of 7 months, and I keep getting that horrible sick feeling that you get imagining how you would feel if it was your baby.

Anyway, OH and I are getting married on Saturday and I will be picking DSS up from his mum and stepdad's on Friday. I really want to get her a card and some flowers or something, just to say 'congratulations and we are thinking of you' (type thing, not sure exact wording) but I am thinking about it purely from another mother's point of view. I literally can't tell if I would be more or less upset if my ex-husband's new partner did something like that!

Background is, we have a pretty good relationship all round, we are all friendly there is no animosity and me and her get on well. Of course there has been some ups and downs but in general we have a pretty good fourway parenting system going on.

I would do the card and flowers thing as you are on good terms.

Shows them you are thinking of them.

You could also let your DSS pick a card or gift for when he goes home?

I thought about doing that Charlie. If she felt weird when we had our three boys, she has never mentioned it, and she made sure DSS had a card to welcome the new babies. We haven't see him since her baby was born (purely due to logistics of collecting and dropping off) so that would be nice.

I'm going out tomorrow and will get something then.

I just really want to make sure I am not missing the wood for the trees, IYKWIM?

Absolutely get her flowers and a card, Im sure she would appreciate it, my DSS Mum had my little one when I was in hospital, I was so grateful to her and I thought what a lovely thing to have offered and done. You are both in happy relationships now, and the past is the past.

Hope her LO is ok.

Ooo, and also, she has children with her new partner as I do, and I feel quite strongly that my DS should know his DSSs brothers as in a way they are all connected IYSWIM. Just think it makes it nicer for my DSS if we can all blend a little (not too much )

boohoohoo - you know something, I'd actually really like it if we could all trust each other and get along so well that that could happen! I did strongly suggest she change her choice of name for her little one otherwise DSS would have two brothers with the same name! Who'd of thunk we'd both have such great taste in names?

I will do it then.

Do it. A really lovely idea and genuinely heartfelt . She will get that and be grateful.