DS's relationship with DP

[Fooso]

I want your advice ladies. I live with DP and my 2 DSDs and my DS (9.14 and 12 respectively). My relationship with the girls is quite maternal as their mum is in a home now. On the whole we all get on very well - thank god. My DP is a good man and is a good dad. My DS sees his dad every other weekend and loves him very much. I can't seem to stop worrying that my DS's relationship with my DP is nothing like my relationship with his DSs. They seem to get on ok - they are more like friends. My DS doesn't complain or anything - but for some reason it bothers me. I did mention it to my DP and he said "its just a different type of relationship" and my DS seems happy with everything. I suppose what I want to know is this normal - do any of you seem this sort of thing? Is it maybe because they are girls and my DS is a boy?

How old is your DS?

i think if theyre getting on well, then thats fine x

Quite honestly, if DS isn't complaining/withdrawn/exhibiting behavioural problems etc, and your DP isn't treating DS any differently from the SDs, and/or unkindly, then what you have sounds okay to me. You can't flick a button on and off in a step situation and if closeness/love develops over time then that's a bonus IMO ..... in the meantime, if you have mutual respect, kindness and no favouritism then you're not doing badly.

I really don't think it's a gender thing ... just a personality/individual circumstances type of thing. Why do you ever develop a close relationship with anyone ? ..... sometimes you just click, but it's not always possible.

My DS is 12 - nearly 13. My DP doesn't favour his girls over my DS I don't think - but my DS is happy to sit up in his room watching TV/on laptop etc, while they are always around us both. Should I make my DS interact with us all more in the evenings? As I said, he seems happy and gets on really well with one of the my SD's - almost BFs.

I think kids are different and form different types of relationships to the people in their lives. I'm much closer to my DP's DDs than I am in particular to his 13 yo DS. Some kids just seem to want a close relationship much more than others I think, if your DS is happy with things, then there's not really a problem is there? And your DP maybe a perfectly good stepparent without necessarily feeling a need to step into the role that he sees you and your ex filling perfectly well between you - quite different from your own situation where you've felt the need to step up to a more significant role in your DSD's lives by the sound of it given the absense of their mum.

But I'm sure the main reason I find my DP's DS hard to bond with is because he spends most of his time in his room on his computer. Maybe you could encourage your DS to be more sociable and do things like watching TV with the rest of the family a bit more.

Thanks Purpleroses - I feel a bit better now.