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Am I unreasonable to feel offended that partner's child calls me coconut when trying to annoy me?

34 replies

Pedigree · 28/05/2012 00:05

That's it, really, I'm mixed race, and know this is a racially derogatory term. He just starts singing the term out of the blue followed by my name when he is annoyed with me.

Frankly, he is 6 so I doubt he knows what he is saying, but I'm sure his mum, who is an avid Daily Mail reader does. His dad sometimes tells racist jokes but doesn't seem to grasp the idea of why I don't find them funny, he thinks is just "normal" and "what people do".

I have been thinking of ending the relationship for more than a year, this is feeling like that tiny last straw. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
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Pedigree · 30/05/2012 00:17

Deed is done...

Talked to him tonight, he obviously didn't see a fault on his child. Child had 4 tantrums last saturday involving attacking his dad, dad doesn't even remember even when he should still have the marks of the child nails in his arms.

I'm sorry for my son, he will miss exp, strangely, apart of that, I don't feel anything, which i'm finding very strange.

OP posts:
ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor · 30/05/2012 00:27

Gosh I hope you're ok, Pedigree.

I think you did the right thing. Unfortunately it sounds like the situation with your ex(!)dp's son is likely to get worse unless he's given some pretty firm boundaries.

It would have been a nightmare for you and your ds to be caught in the crossfire.

AmberLeaf · 30/05/2012 00:50

You're best out of it OP seeing as this man is by your own admission racist (cos non racists don't tell racist jokes)

Regarding the term 'coconut' that's an insult I've only ever heard used by black people aimed at other black people who in their opinion are too 'white acting' (brown on the outside but white inside)

MarySA · 30/05/2012 00:55

Seems an awful situation. I did hear this term used not long ago and there was quite a bit of publicity. Thought it was used as the previous poster said. I'd call it a day if I were you.

PurplePidjin · 30/05/2012 08:15

Well done, Pedigree. Sad to lose the relationship but, honestly, how long was it going to be before his ds had a tantrum because your ds wouldn't play his game and started throwing punches...

Pedigree · 30/05/2012 19:12

Well, that was also part of the issue... The child has no boundaries (apart of saying please and thank you, and turning the lights off). He has started to do other things like swearing or recently, he stole a toy. My exp is blaming Ds because the child claimed he had never seen the toy, even when he showed it to DS and told him his mum had got it for him. Hmm

As for the swearing, the child say my son make him said that and suddenly it is all my fault or DS.

Interestingly, he is very strict with DS, which has not been bad for Ds. If he had been as strict with his own child as he is with mine, I'm sure things would have been very different.

It hurts a bit today, but I know it's for the best.

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Pedigree · 30/05/2012 19:15

And about throwing punches... Well being there already, he once started kicking me because "it was too dark" and someway it was my fault, he has also attacked his dad at the beach because it was "too windy".

Frankly, no regrets here.

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PurplePidjinghamPalace · 30/05/2012 19:53

From an objective point of view, it sounds like you're well shot. Doesn't feel like that right now, though Wine

garlicfanjo · 08/06/2012 01:27

Phew! Well done!

STBX sounds like a bit of a mess-up all round, I'm afraid. I shouldn't be surprised if you find life looking much easier very shortly, although I'm sure there'll be sad moments too.

Coconut is a MASSIVE insult, btw, here as anywhere else. At least it was when I was a Brixtonian 15 years back, and while I was growing up in the Black Country (west midlands, not a reference to skin colour!) about a century ago. I doubt it's lost any power since then. For other readers, it means "brown on the outside, white in the middle". Usually implemented by black people against black people; wonder where SS picked it up?

You're well out of that lot, my love.

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