DP thinks a meeting with us and ExW and new partner is a good idea. Any advice out there please?

[Lostinsuffolk]

Ok ladies I need some advice please. DP has been talking about how having a proper meeting with ExW and her partner is now appropriate to discuss the kids. I agree but am nervous. Help!

Background. V acrimonious divorce. She is prone to telling porkies and isn't the nicest of people to be around but recently she has been showing signs of being more pleasant and helpful that we've not seen before. Before this she was practising parental alienation but has toned it down recently as she wants more time for her and BF to be alone. We love having the kids (2) more but have worries about the youngest DSD 8yrs who is showing shows of stress, nastiness to other kids her age, baby voice, attention seeking etc. she is fine with us. Not sure how to approach this?

Has anyone done the same thing out there? Did it help? How did u plan for what u wanted to say? How did it go?

General advice would be gratefully received, good and bad too!

Thanks :)

I think it's a good idea. Even without the fact that your dsd is stressed and her behaviour's taken a dip, it's good to introduce yourselves, as it were. I did this with my ex and his partner and it's meant there's no elephant in the room. I know about her, I've met her, she's ok and is good for my ex and so hopefully, their positive relationship will have a good effect on our son.

In contrast, my (new) dh and his ex do not communicate at all. Their youngest was 9 when they split with two older kids. Dh felt they were not little enough for us all to meet and greet. Any arrangements were made via text. Now, ten years later, there's animosity and dh and ex still don't communicate in any way. Her affair ended their marriage and dh feels there's no reason to be 'in touch '. So, joint important occasions will be hard....graduations, weddings, christenings etc. I had to forego an invite to my lovely sd' graduation last year as her mug wouldn't go, I I was there.

And so it begins....

Put your doubts aside, meet up and behave like adults. Good luck

Oops....MUM wouldn't go !!

Good idea, but you need to turn a blind eye on previous behaviour, otherwise it will be a disaster. Who knows? You may even like her

I would only do it with a trained family counsellor and a set list of topics, with some agreement on how to handle communication down the road being worked towards. Otherwise it gets to be WW3, or The Divorce revisited. You need someone to keep you on track and stop it from getting personal.

Also, it sounds as if you need a more solid agreement about visitation/schedule to make everyone's life more predictable and especially the DSD's. What child wouldn't be exhibiting signs of insecurity if she thinks she is only seeing her dad more because her mum hasn't as much time for her as formerly? For the child's sake, there needs to be a written schedule. She needs to feel secure and not that she is being dumped with dad and you at her mum's convenience.

I think it is a good idea. We have a good relationship with DSS mum and her husband (not so much the husband as don't know him well) and honestly if you can all get along, it really is the best thing for both the children and you and DP. It just makes life that much easier and pleasant.