Where to start?

[excitednerves]

Hi

I'm new to this and have been reading some of the posts here but just wondered if anyone could give me some straightforward advise on where to start.

A quick bit of background. My husband is from abroad, came to the UK with his girlfriend, had a daughter, they split up, ex girlfriend and daughter went back home. Ex girlfriend then left daughter with husband's family and came back to UK.

For the past 8 years, since I've been with my husband, my step-daughter (SD? still getting up to speed with the acronyms!) has lived with my husband's mother, we let her stay there for a number of reasons, thinking her mother would come back for her, didn't want to uproot her again when she was settled etc.

We have all now agreed (me, husband, granny, SD and her mum) that it's a good time for SD to come and live with us. We're married, employed and can give her a better life here than where she currently is - also, most importantly, she'd be with one of her parents.

I'm excited. SD is a wonderful girl, we get on really well, adore each other and she has a lot of respect for me. However, we've only ever spent holidays together so I know this won't always be the case in "real life". I am looking forward to it, we all are; and hopefully, despite the ups and downs that I'm sure will happen, it will work out well for everyone!

So, I'm about to become a step-mum to a 10 year old. I have no idea where to start with schools, settling her in a new home, new country and generally about being a mum (I have no children of my own).

Any advice on how to prepare would be hugely appreciated!

Thank you!

Wow! That's a huge undertaking!

My advise would be don't try to do this alone. There are so many issues and challenges that you will encounter - having professionals to back you up, give you confidence that you are doing the right thing and generally being a support to you, will be invaluable, in my opinion.

Are you in the UK? There are a number of statutory, charitable and private sector organisations who could help - I would suggest you try and track down your local Children's Information Service and if possible, go and talk to one of their advisors. They are a signposting agency who can put you in touch with local, specialist services in your area, as well as advise you on the practical issues (benefits, schooling, parental responsibility orders etc).

They can also recommend some age appropriate parenting classes for you and your DH - which will initiate discussion between you and help you agree parenting styles and boundaries, which is something that many stepparents struggle with. If, for instance, your DH is trying to make up to his DD by being DisneyDad while you want some structure, it will cause tension between you.

Congratulations, and good luck!

Thanks so much for your reply. Yes, it's huge! Exciting and terrifying in equal measure! I will definitely look up the Children's Information Service, that sounds like a great place to start. We've been planning / expecting this for a few years so it feels like the right thing, you can never do too much preparation though! X