OH has been given the biggest compliment ever!

[charllie]

I've been with my OH for just over two years now, my DD is 6yrs old. We have lived together as a family for about a year and a half (wow that sounds quick doesn't it) Just before christmas i was talking to my DD and she said that she was going to start calling my OH Dad. No reason for it, just said that its a nice name isn't it. To me, this is a massive compliment to him, am i right? He has earned that title from her and that makes me very proud of him (although it embarresses him a little when i say that hehe)
We don't always agree on the way to speak to her when she's been misbehaving, and as her father was never any good at that, wasn't sure if its my OH being a 'dad' or because he's a step dad to her. I will be in the middle of tell her off and he will butt in and take over (very annoying lol) so then i go quiet, don't want her having both of us moaning at her. An example of the things we do different are, when she's not listening to what we are saying to her, he then asks her 'why aren't you listening' i sit there quietly thinking, what is she meant to say to that!? She's not exactly going to turn around and say well i just didn't want to. Especially as listening is one of the things on her listening chart lol. So anyway, i then have to sit and let him carry on, as i don't want her seeing us disagreeing etc in front of her. That really wouldn't help matters would it haha. I have said to him, when she's gone back to play, there wasn't really anything she could have said to that was there really and laugh. He's said that he knows that, just wanted to see what she would say.
So, anyway, my question, is this a 'Dad' thing, or is because he's a 'stepdad' to her? As i've previously said, her father wasn't any good when he was here and so i have nothing to compare to really.
Thanks in advance :o

No thats a dad thing LOL

My OH trie to do the whole good cop, bad cop thing lol, he does tend to step in as he thinks he is helping me stay calm and not be bad guy all the time (man logic lol)

It all depends what involvement the father has and his relationship with the daughter, if that is good, then I would go down the route "I'm not your dad, your father is your dad" path (speaking as both a dad to 2 and a stepdad to 2). In terms of the discipline thing, need to talk to him and make sure your are both singing off the same page, and back each other up, rather than talk over each other.

so what does she call her father?

You need to sit down together and come up with the values that you will try to instill in your DD. Ultimately, she is your child (and her dad's - is he in the picture?) And she should be raised by your rules, but your partner deserves to be treated with respect and will have his own important boundries which need to be heard.
You shouldn't have to "go quiet" but nor should you argue in front of her, you ar right about that.
Does he praise, encourage, support as well as discipline? That is what he should be doing, as should all parents - and he should leave you to the discipline unless he is alone with the child or you give what I call "the look" that asks him for help.

That is my opinion anyway.

I would also say that if she's 6 it's probably not so much of a compliment, but more a way of her working out who the various adults in her life are.

I don't think you should encourage her either way on that front, or even acknowledge it really - it's up for her to work out what "Dad" is and if this guy isn't quite what you would mould a Dad on yet you might want to be careful what you teach her.

Her 'father' only see's her when he remembers he has a daughter, or when it suits him. She calls him Daddy and it was her choice to call my OH Dad. He is a great Dad to her, better than her own father has ever or will ever be able to be. He does prais her, encourage her, support her, all the things that a parent should do yes. I was just wondering if the things that happen, are things that a 'Dad' would do too. So thanks Smurfy1 good to hear that its not anything other than a dad thing :)

No disrespect to smurfly but I don't think it's a "dad thing" I think itis awful that he interupts you and that is not because he is step dad (although that kind of makes it worse IYKWIM!)

I would never interupt my DH or my ex if they were disciplining the children.

you don't want to disagree when he tells her off (even if you think he's being daft) But he is allowed to undermine you

I'm also not sure about him asking her things that he knows are pointless "just to see what she will say" She's not a game, or a toy... It sounds a bit immature tome.

Anyway, you asked if it was a compliment that she called him "dad"... no, I don't think so necessarily. It just means that with her dad out if the picture your partner has earned the title through length of service. No bad thing in itself but not really a huge compliment when from a 6 year old.

And you also asked if his ways are normal "dad" ways, and no I don't think so either.

Sorry - probably not what you want to hear!

I only have the basic info and glad to hear that he praises her etc.