OH is step dad to my DD.......i find this hard sometimes!!

[purpleshark]

My DD is 6 years old, i've been with my OH for 2 years. He has earned the name Dad from DD which is amazing, didn't think that would happen :) so very pleased there. Shows that he in her eyes is like a dad to her.
Thats all lovely, but i find it hard at times. I have ways of dealing with things, he has his ways of dealing with things. Like for example, i have started it that if DD goes straight to sleep, she gains a teddy for the next night, if she doesn't, then she loses one. This has been working really well. The other night, he said if she didnt' do something on her star chart, then she'd lose a teddy. This pissed me off, thats not the reason behind the teddy thing!! But i didn't say anything as need to be seen to be on the 'same page' don't we. He also winds her up, rather than leaving her sometimes, which helps as keep talking etc, can make her worse, like any child, if you keep talking to them about what you don't want them to do, of course they're going to switch off. Also asking her why she's not listening, what can she say to that really, um i don't know, because i'm not. But he will sit there asking her why she's not listening and i think, word it differently, don't give her an impossible question to answer - she's not going to say she's not listening is she, she knows she'll be in trouble for not listening (its on her star chart)
Does anyone else have similar problems? Another thing, when i'm talking to her about anything she may have just done that i wasn't happy with, i will start to talk to her, explaining in a way that she can understand and then, he'll jump in, talk over me and explain it in a way i wouldn't do, or just like i would have done, but has spoken over me. I then sit there and go quiet, because if i dont', she'll have both of us talking at her, instead of just the one. I think that the person who has dealt with the problem, behaviour is the one who does the talking, but no, he just likes to butt in.
Haha reading this, i do love him, honest!! lol

Everything your saying is understandable. You need to be on the same page with dealing with bad behaviour and when you're not, don't argue in front of the child but deal with it between you later. Have you explained all of the above to him? If yes, what did he say?

TBH - doesn't sound like a stepdad, sounds like a dad! My DH sometimes does stuff like this, and he is their biological father! We try to work as a team and present a united front to our DCs, but we aren't mind readers as so don't always see situations in the same way. Good communication and sense of humour gets us over the worst!

Your DP is obviously less experienced in dealing with your DD than you. He will also have his own input with you have previously not had to consider. You just have to find a middle ground if you want him to be her dad.

Good luck

Ooh, those things would wind me up too. But I don't think it's necessarily anything to do with being a stepdad. Can he see things from her point of view - not excusing naughtiness, but realising that 'why aren't you listening?' is a really difficult question to answer? I don't know if they go up to age 6, but could you get something like the 'What to expect' books so he can understand what is possible, what is reasonable, and what really isn't going to work.

Does he ever read fiction? I think reading stories where you have to put yourself in someone else's shoes develops empathy. Although maybe he's fine at empathy with adults but just doesn't get how to see the world through a child's eyes.