What are you concequences when a house rule is broken?

[Lilypad34]

Sorry to start a new thread so soon after the last! We've had an a-ha moment!

OH and I are finally on the same page! (woo!) we've decided to write down some house rules such as.

Speak kindly to each other
Please close doors quietly
Please take off your shoes at home
Dancing while tidying

We chose the last one because dsd (8) loves music and dancing but often refuses to tidy so in order to for her to tidy her things we've discussed letting her choose a song and whilst having a jig tidy and it must be done by the end of the song!

We want to give her positive re enforcement rather than 'do this, don't do that'

However while these all seem reasonable I'm pretty sure we will at some point come up against a few nos and shant's.

I'd like an idea of what others do if a situation arises where heels are dug in.

Also I'm going to spend more 1-1 time with her, I realise in committing to marry my OH I'm also committing to his DD, I'd like to be a positive role model for her and I'm afraid of late her rudeness and attention seeking has left me wanting to do anything but be near her.

It's time for a change and as her dad and sm I believe that begins with us.

Also, how much TV do you feel is enough?

Thank you :)

This all sounds very positive -our punishments depend on DH's mood...

pocket money dovking is popular - unless they get it from their other parent anyway in which case not much of a threat. What privaleges does she have? Could she lose them.

What age is she and how often is she with you?

8 and we have her about 50-60% of the time, her motrareness her prob 2 nights a week and when she does nanny, grandad, Aunty uncle and cousins are involved. There's no 1:1 with just her and her mum.

We're hoping with positive rules and encouragement and doing things as a family she will begin to blossom. It's not her fault she behaves the way she does , it's all she's known. Until today OH and I have had differing views on parenting. Suddenly he's agreeing with me and we're starting working from the same page.

Because I intend to start have time with her just her and me I'm wondering if I could say "if you can't behave nicely (or similar) then we will have to cancel our girly time"

I don't want to be too harsh, I can be quite hard on her which I realise doesn't help and OH doesnt follow through on warnings. so a middle ground in concequences needs to be found.

Sorry typo should be her mother has her!

I don't think you should use your girlie time as a punishment, that should be something that is seen as special regardless of anything else (part of the routine iyswim) otherwise it could look to her like you only want to spend time with her if she's being good.

In our house consequences are the loss of ipods/laptops/mobiles for older SD (13yrs) and the loss of mushi monsters for SS (8yrs), we also use early bedtimes and loss of tv time for both. Luckily they are both lovely 90% of the time so it doesn't happen often.

I'm a nanny as well as a sm and my charges lose tv time, which is limited anyway so out of their daily 30mins they lose 5mins everytime they get told off. I prefer positive reinforcements though so they each have a sticker chart and get rewarded for a full chart, I find it much more effective to rely on a reward system, and use consequences as a back up.

Sorry forgot to answer you about tv time.

At work my charges (4yrs and 7yrs) get 30mins a day, usually after tea/before bath, but I get paid to entertain them not sit them in front of the tv! At home I'm much more relaxed and on a day when we are just at home and not out/busy its probably on for at least an hour in the morning then again for 2-3hrs in the afternoon/evening, more for DSD than DSS what with her being a teenager who just has to watch MTV or she may miss the latest music video and then what would all her friends say

Ideally I would only allow 8yr old DSS about an hour a day but he and DP would probably be horrified if I suggested it and because I don't feel too strongly about it I let it go, there are plenty of other things for me to fight over without turning tv time into an issue.

Hi, we use a range of techniques to deal with things e.g. little things like running indoors we call them back, make them walk - so they lose half a minute. But I find with DSS this happens very rarely, so no issue - the reminder is all he needs on little things like this.

Things that only affect yourself - if you forget your coat, you get wet or cold, tough. (Obviously within the bounds of general health/care!)

For not tidying up your stuff, it gets confiscated.

For serious breaches/bad attitude/not doing as asked, we take time off bedtime or cancel an activity (like one night of a sports club).

I would say don't threaten to remove your 1-1 time with a child, for two reasons. One, as an adult who will be telling her 'no' at times she may sometimes want to not spend time with you so that doesn't work as a sanction (my DSS and I get on well but when we are crossing swords over doing the washing up, he would gladly never see me again!) and two, only by having that time with her can you build the relationship so giving it up undermines your aims of getting closer to her.

We do masses of positive stuff, really try to praise wherever possible.