How do you cope going from a small to large family?

[scaredmumneedssupport]

With the constant squabbles how do you get heard. I'm used to telling my ds to fo something and he does it, now i've got 3 more who are always fighting and won't do what is asked. Any suggestions fir a peaceful, quiet life?

I can only give you my perspective of coming from a large family.

I am the 3rd child of 4, the only girl.

It was never peaceful or calm in our house, it still isn't if truth be told We fought, argued, got on each others nerves but we were and still are the best of friends.

We just knew how far we could push it, I don't know what my mum did to control us all, she just did. That doesn't really help does it? Sorry.

Is this just the way they are? Or is it in direct rebellion to you? How are they with their dad? And what ages and sex are they?

Welll..... I hate to drop this on you, but the parents of large families don't have quiet peaceful lives. The trick to their happiness is accepting the noise, not eradicating it.

Will watch this thread with interest as I'm about to go from having two (aged 8 and 12) to having up to 6 at the weekends when I move in with DP. His kids aged 9-15 will join us each weekend.

I'm not expecting a quiet life, but what has seemed to work so far when spending days and holidays together has been to make sure all the DCs have their own space and encourage them to use it, so toys, etc are not normally brought down to the living room. And to split them up to avoid having the two that are most prone to fighting (our two youngest) together. I also try to prevent rought and tumble chasing games round the house when they're all together, as it nearly always ends in tears (usually my 8 year old DD's).

We're also trying do draw up some house rules - something that DP's 11 year old has grasped with enthusiasm so that the kids are clear what is expected of them, and hoping for a bit of peer pressure over some of the things, so that it's not always the parents telling them off.

If you're used to just one though, I think sibling squabbles are going to be a tough new challenge. Can you talk to your DP about how he deals with things? It's not much use you asking the DSC to do things that he doesn't expect of them, unless you've got his full support in any change of house rules.

Colditz, i'm happy to accept it if thats just normal, keep thinking i should intervene as i can see it ending in tears! My partner tends to ignore it until someone is hurt. P - maybe we can support each other in our journey (or get ear plugs)!

Peugeot - its how they are, not rebelling against me. They're all boys age range 4 - 12!

Ah, in that case you'll never have a dull moment!

Only thing I can recommend is sports at a nearby club, rugby, football, cricket etc.

They will then get their own friends away from their siblings, will have somehwere to burn off the extra energy and it will also be somewhere you can send everyone when you want a bit of peace and quiet.

If they are anything like the clubs we go to, you don't even need a parent there -we all look out for each others kids.

We have 3 boys and a girl and I'm afraid I've come to the conclusion that a peaceful quiet life is just not an option when we have them all.
DP and I make sure we always put time aside to spend with just our own dc and sometimes I will take DSD off and he will have the boys for a while. Divide and conquer is the way to go!!!
Its not so much the squabbles though really just the general volume and chaos that they create which can't be avoided really.

With my own two boys my motto is not to get involved unless there is bloodshed. Boys squabble and fight and if I constantly mediated their bust ups I'd never have time for MN anything else.

I have gone from having an only child and peace to 4, i found it very hard to start with, the general noise and the constant arguments. I used to say to DP about it and that your kids seem to hate each other as it was relentless. I think as others have said its normal and you learn to get used to it. What we did was set some rules as I admitted I would not be happy about my son getting deep scratches from DSD like her brothers have been subjected too (she is a typical little princess) and only girl. So we do not allow physical fighting at all but bickering and arguing is part of the everyday routine and you learn to ignore it, Kaluki is right try not to get involved unless you have to otherwise between 4 kids always telling tales you wouldnt get time to think.
I always at weekends plan time out the house, even if the weather like now is rubbish we will do something as its much easier when out and busy, alot of the arguments come from getting bored and being ontop of each other. I used to worry about my son with the noise and hectic life as he was soo used to the quiet but when you ask him he cant wait for them to come and moans to me that his weekend at his Dads (he is on his own there) really drags and feels like a week...:)

Like Ray75 I went from 1 to 4 - and it was a shock! I agree that it's something you have to get used to as I know now its completely normal. I do have a cut off point though in terms of time - I let them make loads of noise until early evening and then its "adult time" so they need to pick less noisy activities (Wii or something). On the other hand - it's lovely to hear them playing when they are getting along!

Ray we have rules about no physical fighting, but it doesn't seem to make any difference it still happens. What do you do when it happens?

Sonotmumsie, they get punished, no warning, no messing, its a case of no tolerence and its a punishment at high level. For the younger ones being isolated from playing for a period works well as we say if you cant play nicely altogether then you dont. We also as a punishment make them kiss and cuddle and say sorry (the boys hate doing it and have grimaces all over thier faces) but that works well as for some reason kids find that grose :) I think its a case of kids are very perseptive and for some boundaries they know there is a bit of bend in that line and for others there is none..

I'm watching this thread with interest too, I'm currently in the transition period of going from me and 2 yo DS to 2 step kids and a baby. From the age of 6 I grew up just me and mum as my brother lived with my mum so I'm used to having a fairly quiet house and tbh I'm struggling with having 3 kids here every weekend, god knows how I'm gonna manage when baby is here too.
It's the noise and the never getting a minute to myself that I'm struggling with, it's hard to even have a 2 min conversation with DP as there's always someone butting in.
I need some survival tips!