Any positive stories out there - and how did you do it?

[NotaDisneyMum]

Quick back story - DSD (14) rejected DP about 18 months ago, and there has been very limited, mostly hostile, contact between them in that time. DP has tried to keep lines of communication open, but they have all been rejected.
Two weeks ago, DP got a call out of the blue - DSD and her mum had fallen out and DSD wanted DP "to be her Dad".
They met, talked, and DSD agreed that she wanted to try and rebuild a relationship with DP. They agreed to meet again earlier this week.

DSD cancelled (claiming she was sick and off school). DP has suggested alternative times next week - DSD has now gone back to ignoring all contact.

I am sure that we will hear nothing more for a few months, until the next time DSD and her mum fall out, or DSD needs something, and then she'll expect DP to drop everything and go running to the rescue again, only to drop him as soon as the crisis has passed and she has got what she wants.

Is this how our lives are going to be forever? Is it ever OK for DP to say no, he can't help her? Will she eventually realise what she is doing and accept DP in her life - and what, if anything, can DP do to try and break the cycle?

NADM, I've never been in your situation, so I am definitely not the voice of experience!

I don't think it will be this way forever, but if I were you I would brace myself for thinking it might be this way for a good 5-6 years... Until she is through her 'turbulent teens' and can start to see things a bit more clearly.

I don't think it'll ever be okay for him to say no, unless he really is walking away from her forever, which I hope won't happen.

I think he's doing the right thing by remaining open to contact, expressing desire to meet & reconnect, but refusing to pander to her.

It's a blimmin hard road though :(

I don't think it will be this way forever, but if I were you I would brace myself for thinking it might be this way for a good 5-6 years... Until she is through her 'turbulent teens' and can start to see things a bit more clearly.

I think the thought that scares me most is history repeating itself - DSD mum had a very turbulent relationship with her Dad, rejected him as a teen, refused to acknowledged his DW, and even when she was an adult, DP got caught up in the drama between them - after asking him to give her away at their wedding, she then fell out with him again and it was down to DP to "un-invite" his future FIL

I know it's wrong to assume DSD will be just like her mum, but they are very similar, and DSD is strongly influenced by her mum's behaviour, feelings and expectations

Hi NADM I feel so sorry for your poor DP. I have only one thing to offer which is that I was a very angry and hostile teen. I am now very different. I have talked a lot with my own DP about how all we can do with our kids, really, is to offer them the very best we feel we can, the things we think are really right. The kids are free to reject that. I rejected pretty much everything my parents offered me. I find my parents to be difficult people and our relationship is not great to this day. But there are many great things I did get from them, because even whilst I was rejecting them I was still absorbing much of what they were trying to communicate.

Thanks chelen - it helps to know that you were listening to your parents while rebelling against them.

Perhaps DSD is listening too, and even if she doesn't want to know DP or myself, maybe we can still guide her in the right direction.