When a new baby arrives and affects SD. What to do?

[TheWizardsWife]

I wonder if anyone has any experience or wise words to share....

DSD's mum just had another child and DSD has started to get upset at school about missing her little brother. This has happened three times now, each time when she is home with us and her mum has either rang ours in the morning, or having popped into school for some reason.

DSD yesterday came out of school upset so DH took her to her mum's. I know he just wanted to make her happy to see her new brother, however I'm not sure this is the best way to handle it. I think I've read that at 6 the children shouldn't be able to just change plans, but I'm not sure if this is accurate or why?

DSD spends 2/3 nights at each house at a time and has just spent a weekend with mum and co.

I don't want to sway my views of what is best for DSD with my views about her mum on this so am putting it out there for opinion.

Think this is all the relevant information, all views welcome!

Thank you

Aww - she's only 6 and probably really excited about the new baby . I doubt it will last. My DCs recently had a new baby at their dad's and were very excited for the first few weeks, but much less so now (baby is 4 months now).

You're right that at that age you shouldn't be letting DSD dictate which parent she lives with or anything like that, but letting her go round to see the exciting new baby is surely OK - or spend the odd extra night there if that's OK with her mum. Personally I think it's absolutely fine to let them change the detail of plans from whatever age they start wanting to do that - as long as the overall level of contact with each parent is broadly as the parents decide it should be.

She may also be feeling a bit insecure with her mother - the new baby gets to live with her mum all the time, and she is only there half the time - so good if her mum (and you and her dad too if pos) can reassure her that she is just as important to her mum as the new baby.

In a year or two her little brother will be stealing her toys and making a mess of her room - she'll probably be glad of a break from him!

completely agree with purpleroses, especially the bit about her probably feeling a bit insecure, its quite normal to feel that way , and i think not pushing her too much into sticking to her usual routine is right. The excitement will fade and she will start to get fed up at being woken up every night etc etc. Just give her a little leeway at this emotional time and see how it goes.

but if you think its becoming a regular occurrence and is linked to her mums visits to school (did i get that right?) and her phone calls then maybe a word with Mum to see if she can stop doing it- obviously put it far more tactfully than that!

Thank you both. I'm glad I asked now, sometimes its easy to get caught up in everything and an outsiders view is very helpful! Thank you