Wish your DP didn't have children?

[mdoodledoo]

I've not posted on this board for ages, but I keep popping back from time to time to see how people are doing.

DP and I have had words this afternoon about my 'enjoyment' of his children (2 from his previous relationship).

I'm fully involved - take approx 50% of the childcare responsibilities & decision-making, have a great relationship with the kids & things with the ExW are all good too. E.g. I took both children to a DSD hospital appt this week, all fine & the doctor remarked at the rapport I had with the children & how unusual it was in his experience (he was so fascinated that he asked some pretty intrusive questions but I appreciated the positive comment!). So - from my perspective things are pretty darn shiny.

Anyway - my DP raised his disappointment that I don't seem to 'enjoy' the children as much as he'd like and asked why I don't ever comment about what a lovely day I've had with them, or how I've enjoyed doing a something with them. Which made me think 'well why don't I'? Essentially I do enjoy most of the time I spend with them - but obviously not to the extent of wanting to comment on it. DP went further and suggested that I probably wished he didn't have children from a previous relationship - and if I'm entirely honest with myself I think that's probably true. But - I wouldn't ever admit that to him or to the children, or even to my friends & family. Do any of you guys feel like that - even with things being 'fine' in terms of arrangements & relationships?

I'm not daft enough to think that birth parents enjoy every moment with their children (I don't have children of my own so I can't compare), so I don't feel badly about that being the case for me - but do I feel less enjoyment than he does - and is that OK/normal?

Hmmm - I'm four years in to my step-parenting journey & it's still difficult sometimes. I'd appreciate any perspectives people have the inclination to type up.

true, coldtitz, but we help our partners out don't we? And wouldn't this come under "helping out"? I'd find it annoying if DSD needed to go to the doctors/ hospital etc in her contact time with her dad and he was working or something so it would make sense for me to take her. But that is when we had DSD half of the week and "contact" was very natural and normal, not "special time with daddy" so if he was unavailable when something mundane needed doing, and I was free - I would do it.

(I'm playing devils advocate a bit as in this particular case OP is clearly doing far too much and her DH not enough. My ex is the same which means that when I hear that his partner has taken DD somewhere I get annoyed because it's another sign of him copping out)

no, it doesn't come under helping out, buying socks for them comes under helping out, taking them for ice creams comes under helping out, nipping out for calpol at 11pm comes under helping out, taking them to the doctors comes under 'legal/biological parenting role' and should be done only by the people who have the legal right to make decisions regarding the child's health care - because otherwise the doctor cannot say all the things he/she may need you to be aware of, as to share a child's medical information with anyone other than the legal/biological parents is a breach of the child's confidence, is illegal, and therefore will not be done.

Really, true for the big stuff but normal trips to the docs must be okay, my CM has taken dd before, and my friends nanny regularly takes them.

I second that, my mil took my ds to the doctors only yesterday and they happily discussed all the ins and outs with her. In fact everytime i take ds to the docs myself it's not like they ask for my id.
I probably would think it overstepping to take my dss to the doctors, at least if it was a new thing, but would happily do so for his regular blood tests if it was convenient. Tbh my dh's ex doesn't even ask my dh to do this though, it's just been her job, iykwim.

Oh, IKWYM Sarah - all the boring parenting bits are "just my job" too

To be honest if my ex and his wife wanted to take on more of the crap like dentist trips, blood tests, check ups etc it might leave me with more time to do the fun stuff that they do with DD right now!

Overstepping... meh.

Oh dear - I've not checked back to my post for ages & the thread has headed in a direction I didn't expect with my DP getting some criticism for 'foisting' childcare onto me. Opinions are obviously welcomed but I'm going to add my own view for balance.

Yes I'm very involved with the kids and their care, and it's not always been easy. The transition from singleton to co-parent was challenging but we've mostly found our groove, and I do strongly believe that my position as a step-mum is strengthened by my very involved role. I honestly don't have any of the problems that are posted about so often in terms of the kids accepting me, respecting my opinion, role, wants or needs. I am a natural part of their family and they offer me the same love and respect that I offer them - which, for us, makes life pretty good most of the time.

I took DSD to the hospital for a routine check-up appointment with the full prior knowledge of her mum and the reason I took her to the appt rather than my DP is because we took 1/2 day annual leave from work for most of the Easter hols to juggle childcare and meetings and on that day our time off was arranged around our most important meetings. So - he wasn't shirking responsibility or being irresponsible.