Need advice on new baby with 2 children from previous marriage

[NoNoNoMYDoIt]

Not sure if this is the right place, but couldn't think where else to post for some advice.

I have 2 DCs and am divorced from their dad. The kids are 5 and 3 and we have shared residence (albeit the kids spend more time with me than their dad). It works - just about. Things are very strained with him, but the mechanics of the shared residence just about work and the kids are happy with 2 homes, 2 lots of toys etc.

I am with a new partner and the kids have met him and we all get on fine. He doesn't live with me, but spends a lot of time here, including when the kids are here. I have just found out I am 5 weeks' pregnant. NOT planned. We are trying to get our heads around it, but what is bothering both of us is the impact on my kids of another baby appearing in 8 months time.

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle it? At the moment, I can give my full attention to the kids when they are with me, and we have so much fun, both on our own and when my partner is around. That will inevitably change if another one appears on the scene, as I will be tied to a baby. And knackered...

Has anyone managed to do this successfully? The kids are young and therefore probably adaptable. But DS (aged 5) is very close to me indeed and I get little enough time with him as it is on his own because he is at school. So I feel like he would be the one to lose the most here.

I'm surprised no-one else has posted, and I'm not sure how relevant you will consider my reply - my DSS is 10 now, and DD is nearly 1, so the age thing is different, and the older child is my DSS not my DS, however these are just some thoughts, you can take them or leave them!

We made sure to involve DSS as much as possible so that the baby was "his brother/sister" rather than "our baby". We showed him scan pictures, asked him what names he might choose (we didn't go with either of his suggestions of Harry or Hermione though...). I'm still knackered with a 1 year-old, and am dreading going back to work, but I'm sure there will be time that you can make for each of your two elder children. Once the baby arrives may be they would like to help you with the baby? Watch you change nappies, that kind of thing. My MIL's 3rd and 4th children were twins, so the 2 older children were assigned one each and had to report to her if "their" baby was crying/needed anything, and that worked out well.

Don't forget that things changed for your elder child when the second arrived, and that has worked out!

I really wish you all the best, exciting times are ahead!

As well, see if you can agree that your DP does more than his fair share with the baby while your kids are with you, so that you still get time with them alone... It's what my DSD really misses from her Mum.

I can't really give you a good response - in our case, it was my DP who had two kids already and I had none when I became pregnant with DD - but the kids were much older and it was a different situation. I just wanted to wish you luck and say that it will possibly all work out much better than you think! The kids may see this as a very positive thing, and actually statistics say (or so I have been told by two counsellours, sorry I have no citation to back this up!) that the most sucessful 'blended families' are those in which there is a 'shared' child in addition to the ones that come to the family.

I can see that there are aspects of this which are about 'step' issues - but your basic question -how will the arrival of a new baby impact on siblings and the demands on parental attention - is really a question for all parents who feel pulled in different directions. I definitely have been thinking about similar issues in terms of adding another child to the family. So maybe you will get advice on the general parenting boards, too.

I am in this situation.
I have 2 DDs from previous marriage. They are 9 and just 5. DP has 14 yo DS and 7 yo DD. We share residency of my DDs and my ex is also a bit of an arse communication wise!
We were very worried about how things would work out. My youngest was 4 when pregnancy was announced and she became very clingy. Was worried I wouldn't love her anymore. :(
Ex has been crap, telling the girls that the new baby was only a half sister and refusing to let them speak about the baby when with him! It was tough on them, especially as there was a lot of worry due to a high risk pregnancy. They knew little of the info other than Mummy being in hospital to check that baby was ok.
Now that our new DD is nearly 8 weeks, all four are besotted. They all refer to her as their baby sister. There is sometimes a bit of jostling over who gets to hold her but it is good natured.
If you have any specific questions, I will try my best to help. Overall though I imagine it will be better than you think!