Need to get this off my chest- Worried Dss will end up at sink school

[Readyisknitting]

Dss is 9, in Yr 4.

Ages ago, when I began re-searching to change my dc's schools to the village one here I discovered that by being registered at his mum's address, he will only have one choice of secondary, barring the grammars. Dss is not Grammar material, that's just how he is, he's a plodder. So by being at his mum's he is restricted to the Academy, which has sunk to it's previous pre-academy depths. #
We approached his mother and explained this to her, from ours we are on the cusp of catchment for 2 decent schools, one of which dss has already set his heart on. We explained that the registered address is the one the child benefit is registered to, and so to avoid an investigation we needed to switch the name and address on it before Easter of Yr 4. This is a matter of paperwork only, he spends 50% of nights with each parent over 2 weeks.

She has decided that she does not want to give up the child benefit. She works ft so there is no issue over ni credits. So in 18 months time the shit will begin to hit the fan and I will have to clear up the fall out. Nopthing I can do. I've already backed off about the subject at home, and don't mention it, but I am cross, and needed to get it off my chest

Ta for listening

Can you offer to pay her the child benefit?

Yes, can't you just pay it back to her?

Are you sure she doesn't get tax credits? She might be able to claim for childcare through tax credits for example? She might also realise that child benefit is the passport benefit and if she ever needed to make a claim in the future, she wouldn't be able to, she would also probably be liable to pay you CSA money too.

Do you think there is much chance of your DSS getting into your chosen school from his Mums address? My son goes to an out of catchment school and got in OK - it's the best school in the area, so I was a bit surprised.

My step children go to a local "sink" school which has actually improved a lot in the last 2 years under a new head teacher despite the school previously being in special twice in the space of 5 years.

My own child doesn't go there, but the step kids are bright and are doing OK. It's hard to say they would have done better in going to another school. My point is that it might not be the end of the world if DSS ends up going there.

Yes, maybe she's worried that your partner will have too many rights if he is the one claiming CB...

I wouldn't relenquish that to my ex I don't think, now that I've thought about it. But then he is a devious, grabbing manipulator.

Are you sure that claiming CB is what determines it? In my LA, it is the address where they spend the majority of school nights (ie Sun-Thu nights).

If that is precisely 50-50 (eg alternate weeks at each house) then they will let you use whichever address is advantageous to the application. I would explain the situation to the LEA and see if they can help at all. If the mum was to write a litter confirming that DSS lives with you for whatever the LA require, would that suffice?

There are quite a few reasons why the ex might not want to give up CB - financial but also in terms of how she sees herself as a mum. If you could get the outcome you want without having to change it, that might be best.

Why would you need to switch it now, in Y4 - presumably you won't be applying until autum 2013 (ie start of Y6) will you?

PR, you have hit it exactly on the head, the cb is for the mother in her eyes.

She has 2 dc, dsd lived here with her father after her parents split (her choice) until she went to uni. She works FT, earns somewhere around 35K. CB is paid into the old joint account, dp already handles it, and the money is used for dss's gym, child care etc. It is literally a change on paper. I do understand, there are some ex's you'd think no way. But it's not like that here.

We have him wed- sat one week, wed-sun the other. Exactly 50-50 wrt nights. If you look at total hours then he's here slightly more, because I have him in the mornings to save paying for the morning club. CSA are not involved, it was an amicable-ish! split, before I came along, and there is no reason because it is so 50/50. The school question was first raised when she was facing redundancy, and I think she initially agreed because she did not qualify for any benefits, and I said I'd split whatever extra we got wrt tax credits 50/50. That still stands, natch.

I'm keen to switch it sooner than later if that is what needs to be done, because here the authorities are hot on checking for fraudulent applications, because we are in the grammar system. Going by the policy docs online cb is the measure they use. With the application we will have to submit council tax docs, and it's a bit dodgy if we're submitting docs from here and his registered address is there. That's if she gives dp a chance to make his wishes known.

the academy, from what I hear from parents with children who go there does ok, but has plenty of room for improvement. In addition a couple of years ago it introduced a new uniform which will require a mortgage to kit him out!!! The other 2 are good, but have different strengths, and better sports facilities. the one dss likes is heavily subscribed, and he stands no chance from his mum's address. a letter to the LEA supporting the application is an idea, but quite frankly, I'm staying well back, and leaving them to it. Dp is scared of being perceived to be acting in the way she does, and so is a little passive , but it is now his place to do anything if he feels it should be done.

Where we live, like many authorities, the address used to apply to schools is the address the CB is claimed from.

You do not need dss's mother to "allow" you the CB. You can put in a counter claim for it without her "permission" even if she has always had it up to now. In cases where the child is 50/50 with each parent then they will look into it and they may decide to award it in your DH's name. If you have Dss's dentist, doctor, current school etc registered at your address then that will go very much in your favour when deciding who is awarded the CB.

PM

Ty for that, sadly, it is all in her's- she has always been very controlling over this, to the point where she was trying to push dsd to live at one hall at uni when dsd had already made her mind up which one she was going to. Sigh.

Did the older child go to the school? It could be that the mum doesn't have concerns (based on experience) so isn't motivated to change. I think this might be one subject that you need to drop as the mum and dad make the decisions on schooling and they need to be motivated otherwise it just won't happen. It may also impact your relationship with the ex if the issue is pushed.

I do see where you are coming from however as I would be similar. For my dc's if there was the opportunity for a good/better education I would make it happen.

No, Dsd went to the 2nd of the 2 that we are in catchment for.

I have dropped it, just for my own sanity. Just infuriates me that she would rather sacrifice his education. Ho hum.