no longer needed as a step mum

[wallace32]

I feel very sad at the minute and am considering separating from my partner of the last 15 years. He had 5 children (age range 19 to 11) and I had one child aged 10. His wife walked out and left him with the children. I was divorced. We got together and now it seems like a very big mistake. When we all lived together the children thought of me and called me their mum (very poor relationship with their own mum). Everything fine until they all became adults. Youngest step son didn't invite me to his graduation, but asked his mum to go. I was devastated. She had played no part in his teenage/early adult years. Now my relationship with all the step children as broken down. I don;t see them, talk to them, stopped buying presents etc. I feel really sad as I think my partner and I will split up - he thinks I'm being unreasonable and shouldn't feel sad about the situation. He says I did a good job of bringing them all up, but need to have a relationship now with their mum and don't need me. As anyone else experienced anything similar. Why did I get involved with this man and his children? Was I kidding myself that they would always think of me as their mum?

I think your husband is being incredibly insensitive - and tbh so are the children if what you say is true.
You have invested care and love in them and it must feel as if this is being thrown back in your face.
I agree that if they can now have a good relationship with their Mum, that is a good thing - but it doesn't have to be at your expense, or instead of you.

I agree with Beamur, your DP is being insensitive, and your stepkids need a kick up the backside. They can still have a relationship with their mum as well as you. I find it bizarre that they don't. They bloody well should be making the effort.