DSS neglecting a pet.

[ArcticRain]

DSS is 16 . He has a pet that can live for 20 plus years . He is forever neglecting it , not providing water so that the bowel becomes dry , never feeds it without nagging , and then never let's us know the food has ran out . He also never handles it . DH and I are forever having to check up on it.

I want it rehomed . I know someone with the correct experience . DH agreed last year if things didn't pick up we would look at rehoming , but isn't following through . I don't think it is correct that DSS doesn't learn the consequence of neglect and it leaves DH and I at loggerheads ( correct word ?)

Just wanted to off load really as annoyed at finding it with no water yet again . Also wondering whether I dare rehome alone .

If the animal is suffering neglect then I think it's only right to have it re-homed. But it depends what it is? Is it a reptile or a mammal?

Reptile . It's needs are simple , not like a mammal , so I guess it doesn't need the love , but still , if he can't be bothered why should he have it ?

We have been over what is expected , it improves for a bit then stops .

It's needs maybe simple but the care of reptiles is far more complex in my experience. Is it getting adequate calcium? Is it a reptile that eats live food? Are it's UV bulbs changed regularly?

DH sorts all the bulbs. Dead prey . We have to make DSS feed when we ask , other wise its 'stop nagging ill do it later ' and he doesn't , and then becomes stroppy . He is stroppy tonight because he didn't feed it yesterday , and then not again tonight because he can't find any prey in the freezer , and we caught him out at being lazy with it (feed about once a week when needed)

why don't you stop feeding DSS and see how he likes it. When he asks for food tell him to stop nagging and you'll do it later.

Do you know anyone who might like it, who DSS might be perpared to give it to? Eg younger child, whose parents are on board to help look after it? Could you make him see it a bit like passing on a toy that he's outgrown to someone younger?

Presumably DSS will be leaving home well before the pet dies - so either he needs to learn how to take responsibility propertly (and take it with him) or you or DH need to decide whether to take on the responsibility yourselves.

I think Bonzo's idea is spot on!

As for DH, he's being pathetic. Why's he at loggerheads with you when it's his son being so irresponsible ? This animal needs to be cared for properly ... if SS won't do it then someone has to ... and if you/DH aren't happy to take 100% responsibility for it (not criticising if you don't want to, just saying) then rehoming it is the correct thing to do. Just leaving it, and repeatedly nagging SS - when experience has shown again and again that doesn't work - is unkind. Clearly SS isn't interested so why doesn't DH want it rehomed ? ..... does he think that neglecting an animal is okay if the alternative is "upsetting" SS by removing it ? I personally think an animal's neglect/suffering overrides any such considerations.

Tell your DH either the animal is rehomed or you will rehome yourself.

Seriously, your DSS needs sorting out and your DH is being negligent letting this carry on. If your DSS isn't responsible enough for the pet then give it to someone who will care for it properly.

You and your DH are the adults in the house so just make a decision.

Sorry if this sounds blunt but it is hot and I am grumpy!

I would go with Bonzo's suggestion too and extend it to your DH until the pair of them realise that this is animal cruelty.

In the meantime give them both an ultimatum that if you continue to find it neglected you will sometime within the next month re-home it, and they (because your DH is enabling the neglect by standing in the way of re-homing) are on their last chance.

Tbh I'd rehome it and claim it went missing or just say "yes I rehomed it because it was suffering" but that's because I'm impatient.
It's out of order that you DH won't follow through, is that we're DSS gets his lazy attitude from?

a first step might be go on google and print off some pages about the proper care of this type of reptile, exact diet, consequences of lack of care etc. Also perhaps find out if there are any fines etc for lack of animal care (RSPCA). The more complicated and detailed the better.

Print them off, hand to DSS and DH. Perhaps when they read them and agree that things need to change - you strike while they iron is hot and get them to both agree that if in say 2 months things are not up to standard (as per printed stuff) - then its rehomed. Get them both to sign a piece of paper at that time.