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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Wills - Help!

20 replies

Mummynumber2 · 24/03/2012 12:45

I know this has been done before but I'm worrying myself sick about this!
We have dsd1 (16) dsd2 (13) dss (10) and ds (9months). We went to see a solicitor last week and have come away even more confused than we went in!

So basically the way it's been drafted is, if dh dies I get the house etc. but carry on paying maintinance to dsc's. I'm happy with that although it will probably be out of my own pocket at the end of the day. When I die it'll all be split 4 ways. Fine.

If dp & I both die everything's split 4 ways & put in trust. This is the bit I'm worried about. As dsc's are older and would have 1 excisting parent surely ds would need more (if this happened before he was 18). The solicitor's answer to this was something along the lines of it not being fair to dsc's as they could argue that they are all dh's children. At the time I accepted this but actually I think that would be more than fair considering i've contributed at least 1/2 to the family 'pot' and am perfectly willing to split my half 4 ways once they've all reached majority.
Just wondering what others in similar positions have done.
Thanks

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purpleroses · 24/03/2012 14:05

I think there's two things at stake really - whether you actually want to split everything between the 4 DCs as if they were all siblings, when in fact 3 of them only "half" belong to your family and will probably inherit from their mum as well.

And the other one being whether you need to leave more to your DS as the youngest - if you're envisaging the trust being drawn on by whoever is caring for him whilst he's growing up, then that would be fairer really. Or could the trust fund be pro rata-ed to give them all £X per year for each year until they are 18 plus £Y on reaching 18?

Original poster

Mummynumber2 · 24/03/2012 15:01

Thanks for answering. I have no problem with them getting equal amounts once they're all adults. Dsc's will probably end up with more after inheriting from their mum but I see money inherented as an adult as a bit of a bonus rather than a necessity.
I suppose I'm looking at it from a maintenance point of view. If dp were to die his ex would get the money she needs for them. If dp & I were to die ds would also need money for day to day living. I don't think it would be fair to the people looking after him to have to fork out everything for him...
I didn't realise you could set up trust funds like that purpleroses, that's a good idea and something to look into.

OP posts:

bamboostalks · 24/03/2012 15:17

My will says that if I or dh dies, then we each inherit the others share in the house. It is then ours to do what we like with. However if we die together, then the equity in the house in split in half. My half is split in 2 for my 2, his half is split in 4 to include his older 2 as well. I also have another policy for just my 2 as well in case I die before dh. It is a very tricky situation. I realise that my 2 will be disadvantaged if I pop my clogs first as the whole house will be split equally. My step children may be disadvantaged if my dh dies first. My step children have a wealthy mother and family too. My own do not. However the most likely scenario is that none of them will get anything as I intend to spend what I can in my lifetime or we will be funding our own care in old age!

Original poster

Mummynumber2 · 24/03/2012 15:19

I'm also a bit concerned about something else the solicitor brought up. She suggested that DH left his share of the estate to his older children instead of to me as I could change my will at a later date and not include them in it. I'm not going to do that but it got me thinking that maybe the dsc's would expect something straight away from him, rather than having to wait till I go. (He's quite a lot older than me so that will probably be what happens)
I'd hate them to think I was stealing money that belonged to them.
Am I thinking too much about this? It'll all be irrelevant at this rate as I'll end up worrying myself into an early grave!!

OP posts:

Original poster

Mummynumber2 · 24/03/2012 15:23

I missed your post Bamboo. Ha ha, good idea. I had considered leaving it all to the family cat.

OP posts:

NotaDisneyMum · 24/03/2012 16:09

DP is seeing a solicitor next week about this - if he dies,he wants me to be able to continue to live in the house (his) for as long as I wish, but that his DCs inherit it when I die or move out.

DPs exW still has a life assurance policy in his name - if he dies, I assume it pays out to her to compensate for the lost maintenance? Is that legal?

Gigondas · 24/03/2012 16:11

Yes it is legal to have such a life policy notadisney. In fact i think it is quite standard to have it as part of a divorce settlement .

NotaDisneyMum · 24/03/2012 16:31

gigo it wasn't part of the settlement - she just carried on paying the policy he put in place when they took out the joint mortgage.

DevonLodger · 25/03/2012 21:12

My husband has 2 children from his first marriage, one with me and we have one on the way. Most of our money and assets have been created by me. It is likely I will also inherit from parents but DH will not. But we have agreed that the combined value of our assets will be split 50:50 and DH will leave his in quarter shares to his 4 children and I will leave my share equally to my 2 children. We will have life interests in the assets until we die. My step sons have a mother who has a valuable house which she received as part of the divorce settlement. Her children are likely to inherit this. If they also inherit from me then I think they will be unfairly advantaged over my 2 children. We have life insurance policies in place to deal with child maintenance payments and to look after our own children. They are quite cheap to buy whilst you are young. I can understand your solicitor trying to cover off all eventualities but I wonder if your child may be the one that loses out here.

ArcticRain · 25/03/2012 21:28

My DSD are 18 and 16 . My DD is 4 months . We did it this way .

Took out life insurance that goes to each other if other dies .

House goes to me or DH if other dies.

If I die my death in service and pension go to my DD . My husbands is split 3 ways between children if he dies.

If we both die, all my assets mentioned above go to my DD . All my husbands split 3 ways . House split 50/50 and 50 to his children and 50 to mine .

The way I see it my DSD have their mother to inherit from , I didn't want my DDs being diluted down to just a third when I have put 50% into joint assets etc . We have seperate finances so just kept the my assets to my blood line , DH to his blood line . If I DH and DD die, it goes to my family .

ArcticRain · 25/03/2012 21:28

DSS!

Smum99 · 26/03/2012 10:43

We're going through this and just wondered how others handle the age differences. If both dh & I were both to die then our ds would need to be supported for many years due to his young age. DSS would have maintenance payments via insurance policy. My dc's would have similar but as they are older they will have less of a need.

Hard to split equally when the youngest child would have a greater need, like housing, schooling etc

RhiRhi123 · 26/03/2012 12:54

We are looking into sorting this out too. My suggestion was to split our assets 50/50 We both work full-time and although he earns more than I do. I do more childcare and house work etc. My 50% will go to our DD and DH 50% will be split between DD and DSS. If one or the other of us dies it will go to the other. We both have insurance policies however they are for the same amount so If I die DH will use the money to bring up our DD but will obviously continue maintenance for DSS.

However I hadn't really thought about the fact that if DH dies first I would have to give a portion of the insurance as maintenance would this be 15%?Our insurance doesn't pay out an awful lot but enough to get by for a while and we don't own our house so I would need the money to carry on with living costs (as we don't obviously have a policy that covers a mortgage so rent would still have to be paid). I need to look into a policy or something that would cover maintenance.

ArcticRain · 26/03/2012 17:09

We took the life insurance on each other to bring up DD with , and the house will be paid off .

DSSs will get a good sum from death in service and they will get a dependents pension as well as DH pension to cover maintanence.

mattysmum09 · 11/04/2012 15:57

Sorry does this mean if me and dp took out life insurance on each other (we have 1baby one on way he has 2 older children) and took it out just so if one of us died the other will have money to live off, we dont own our home...would his xw be able to claim a portion? I dont see why dp should leave any of this to his children they are nearly adults and can support themselves. I actualy had to point this out to dp when discusssing life insurance when he considered leaving it to the kids (in general) surely its the parent left behing with two young children that needs support??

allnewtaketwo · 12/04/2012 07:25

Marty what ages are the older children? I think the life insurance thing is really to cater for when there are dependent children, to replace the payments the parent would be making if they were still alive. I don't think it's therefore relevant for adult children

mattysmum09 · 12/04/2012 08:38

allnew they are 16 and 18 so wouldn't be much maitainance left to pay and its not to support them he was thinking more it would be nice to leave them something, which it would if we ever became wealthy and could leave something but right now a life insurance policy would be for us to have peace of mind if something happens the other wont struggle. I know once we buy we will automaticaly have this kind of thing as it comes with having a mortgage doesn't it....but I'm wondering if we therefor may aswel start the life insurance now while its cheap to cover us until then and can then just carry it on or increase it or whatever when we do get a mortgage? does that make sense? sorry probly wrong place to post this..lol

purpleroses · 12/04/2012 11:29

Matty - Life insurance doesn't necessarily come with a mortgage. You can choose whether to increase your mortgage payments to cover the mortgage getting paid off if you die, but you don't have to.

pinkbraces · 12/04/2012 12:07

This is such a minefield, we did ours about four years ago. We dont have children together, DH has two and I have one. All of the equity in our joint house was put in by me (he gave his ex wife all equity and savings from their marriage).

If we both die, my DD will get the original equity which I put in and the balance would be divided by the three of them. We have life insurance which will pay off the mortgage and leave some extra which is divided between the three of them. I also have a policy for my DD and my DH has a policy for his DC .

If he were to die first, I would inherit everything and would continue to maintain his DC (SD lives with us)

If I were to die first DH would pay out the equity to my DD by taking out a mortgage on the house.

This was done just before we got married and I think as the DC get older we will re look at it.

I wish you luck I found it incredibly difficult to get my head rount it!

Waspie · 12/04/2012 15:04

My will leaves my two third share of our property to our son. My partner's will leaves his one third share split equally between our son and his daughter.

We both have life assurance/death in service benefits which we have left to each other on the understanding that these will pay off the mortgage.

If my partner dies first then I would support my son and myself on my salary but I wouldn't pay the child support.

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