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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Paying maintenance in advance

16 replies

EMS23 · 23/03/2012 13:44

My DH & his ex have been discussing a possible reduction in the maintenance we pay for DSS8. It's mutually agreed and was initially the suggestion of his ex for various reasons.

However, she has floated the idea that we pay her a lump sum in advance. Her suggestion being that we reduce from £700 to £500 per month but actually pay £350 per month and a lump sum of £18,000 (10 years of £150pcm).

Her reason is that she took out a personal loan to do up her house that she now can't afford since having a new baby with her new DH.

I'm really not keen and would rather we stick to the current arrangements but I don't want to be the bad guy.

Off the top of my head, 2 major negatives from our POV:
If she (god forbid) dies at any point, we would have full custody of my DSS and that money, which is his, would not be available to us to use for his upbringing.
If our circumstances significantly change at any time, we can't get that money back.

Has anyone ever done something like this or have a view on how sensible an idea it is?

OP posts:
EverybodyKnows · 23/03/2012 13:56

For the same reasons you mentioned, I wouldn't go there at all. Stick to the monthly payments.

I don't see why you should be responsible to help pay for her loans.

bemybebe · 23/03/2012 14:01

I think you may have a problem if later she decides to go to the courts to demand additional maintenance as they won't recognize this upfront maintenance "deal" and will order periodic payments.

I would post in Legal to clarify.

Lostinsuffolk · 23/03/2012 14:01

Can u afford to do the lump sum? Will it go on the house or is there something bigger afoot! Sorry for being cynical but money isssues always seem to bring out the worst in people?

Original poster
EMS23 · 23/03/2012 14:11

lost - her DH's business is failing which they have been open about to be fair. So I think that's why she wants the lump sum, to get rid of this personal loan she's struggling to pay.

OP posts:
Lostinsuffolk · 23/03/2012 14:17

Ok sorry...not had enough coffee! I would say no and agree with everything said above. Why is it ur problem to fix someone elses cock up. Harsh words im afriad, but you would open yourself up to all kinds of possibilities which I would feel very uneasy about without the support of a bloody good solicitor.

bemybebe · 23/03/2012 14:22

"her DH's business is failing"
EMS23 absolutely stay away from any "deals" in this case as they will come back for more once the money runs out. I am pretty sure that CSA or any court will satisfy their demands also, as they will be not interested in you losing out and on the dcs having means to survive.

bemybebe · 23/03/2012 14:24

just to rephrase - "as they will be not interested in you losing out and will focus on the dcs having the means to survive."

catsmother · 23/03/2012 14:27

Am pretty sure that if she ever went to the CSA, they too wouldn't recognise the lump sum payment.

bemybebe · 23/03/2012 14:29

Incidentally, your DH should also focus on his dc having ongoing financial security to be adequately fed and clothed etc rather than helping his ex with her loan or having a discount on the maintenance...

Original poster
EMS23 · 23/03/2012 15:12

Thanks for all the advice, it's confirmed what I thought and will discuss it further with my DH.
Ultimately, he's a good person and they have an amicable relationship so I think he just wants to help if he can. But as you said, he needs to think about his sons future stability, not just helping his ex out right now.

OP posts:
chelen · 23/03/2012 16:16

Er, just no, basically. This is not what maintenance is for and it is wrong of her to ask really. You need serious legal advice beforehand if you consider this.

purpleroses · 23/03/2012 18:32

Is the amount you would be paying (£350 a month) still comfortably above the amount CSA would assess your DP as owing? If it's not, then she could in the future go to the CSA and demand that your DH pays the full amount that they will assess. I don't think they will take into account that he has paid her money in advance.

The other problem would be if your DH's financial circumstances changed at all in the future - ie if he lost his job or couldn't afford so much - he'd have effectively already paid her a lot of the money, so would not be able to get it back.

I'd say no, unless the loans are in some way your DH's responsibility (eg taken out by him and his ex together some time in the past)

Kaluki · 23/03/2012 18:44

God no don't do this!!
Assuming the money will pay off her loan, what is she going to use to feed and clothe DSS then.
The maintenance money is for your DSS. Why should he go short because of his mothers inability to handle her money.
If her DHs business is failing they will be hard up and no doubt will need more money in the future?
IF you do though make sure it is all done through a solicitor and any loopholes are tied up.

Original poster
EMS23 · 23/03/2012 19:02

purple - the loan is entirely hers, nothing whatsoever to do with my DH. He's already paid off the debts she left him with!

£350 is above the CSA amount, definitely. They've never been assessed as they get on well but the £700 we currently pay is well over what would be demanded by CSA anyway and we were fine with that but when her circumstances changed about 2 years ago she suggested this reduction. But since then it's never been 'a good time' to actually implement it.

In the meantime my DH has not worked for 2 years (retraining and now 6 months struggling to get a job) but we always budgeted for £700 and would never have asked her for a reduction. It was her change in circumstances that prompted her to suggest a reduction so it's all a bit weird how she keeps saying not yet do we leave it, then she brings it up again, then says not yet! This upfront payment idea is new though so I guess that's what it was all working towards the whole time.

I'm trying really hard to be fair and level headed here as I don't want to come across like I want to pay less for the sake if it. This really was her idea, I promise!!

OP posts:
purpleroses · 23/03/2012 19:09

If your DH isn't working the CSA amount would be £5 a week. But if he's out of work then surely you need your money? Presumably you have some savings, but even so, it's a lot of money. The ex probably knows that if your DH is out of work he could if he wants pay her an awful lot less, so getting the money up front is much safer from her point of view.

It's really good that your DH prioritises paying for his DS even when he's out of work, but £18,000 really is a lot to ask for (as is £500 a month tbh - my ex is low waged and pays £125 for 2 DCs) . I'd suggest no more than a year or two's worth as a loan upfront - you've no idea what your financial circumstances might be 10 years from now.

ChocHobNob · 24/03/2012 20:55

Don't do it. Lots of people have fallen into this trap.

There is absolutely nothing stopping her taking the £18,000 today and then contacting the CSA tomorrow for regular maintenance and the CSA will care not one bit about the lump sum he has already paid.

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