trying for our baby...no luck :(

[MissLaRue]

Hey. just wanted some advice or anything anyone can offer really.
My DH and I have been trying for a baby for a year now with no luck. \i'm getting worried and so is he. He has 2 kids alread from first marriage. My question is - as he has 2 kids already (now 9 & 11) is it my body that is having trouble getting pregnant? I mean, he has fathered 2 kids with no problems. First was concieved on wedding night (how lucky) and the other born 2 years later, concieved after 3 months. (My MIL likes to give me too much info) I am getting really worried that there is something wrong with me as we haven't managed to concieve yet and him and his first wife had no trouble at all. I'm really scared. He also doesn't understand my fears. He really wants us to have a baby, I know that. Its just it isn't the same for him as he already has kids and he just doesn't get that. Whatever hapens with us, whether we are able to concieve or not, he knows he has two kids already which softens the blow if you like. Any kinmds words?

One year isn't that long - although it may feel like an age.
If it's not rude to ask - how old are you?
I was in a v similar position and we went to see the GP and got referred to the assisted pregnancy unit, but were very lucky and I fell pregnant naturally just before the appointment. It took more than a year for me to get pg.

Thanks for the response. I'm 27. hubby is 37. Neither of us have ever had an STI and have both been tested for these in the past. I have irregular periods though

I'm no expert - but maybe if your periods are irregular, then maybe you are not ovulating regularly, which would make it harder to predict your fertile periods.
Why not go along and have a chat with your GP and get some advice?
Some people fall pregnant very easily, others less so. If you do have some kind of fertility health issue, it's probably best to find out sooner rather than later and give yourself more time. Given you are only 27, you've lots of time ahead of you. I didn't start trying for a baby until I was 34. DD arrived when I was 37.

Thank you. I always thought i'd be one of the lucky ones. Its made harder for me that DH has kids that came along straight away. He just doesnt get how I feel atm. he has kids, he doesn't realise how much it hurts me

DH was the same when we were trying first time around as he had a "been there, done that" attitude. I had to point out to him that first time round he had been in his 20s, second time around he was in his 40s and the old swimmers wouldn't be as frisky as they were before.

I think the best advice is to go and talk to your GP. It can be so disheartening trying and even harder when you feel that maybe there is something wrong with you. Go and get checked out, it can't hurt.

I know how you feel miss. My DH and I want to try for a family of our own but I have some fertility problems (which hopefully will get sorted out soon) but its very hard, you feel like your all alone cos your other half has kids and so will never really understand what it's like not to be able to have them.

I feel like my DH doesn't get why it upsets me so much, no matter how much I try and explain how he feels, I know he never truly 'gets it'. His DD was conceived completely by accident when he was only 17, so he hasn't a clue about TTC.

I think it would be a good idea to get an appointment with your GP and get some basic tests done, it mite throw up something that is actually easily treated and will put your mind at rest. All the best!!

I agree, don't lose heart yet. Do go see your GP.

TTC is so very stressful and I think it does impact us (women) more as it's our bodies that actually get pg. DH & I both had dc's from earlier relationships but struggled to conceive our own baby, we however finally conceived. At 27 you have lots of time so don't worry.

If you have irregular periods it's worth seeing a GP as it could be that you don't ovulate on a regular basis, also your DP's fertility may have declined (which seemed to be the case for DH). Please don't worry there is lots of help available and we were referred to a clinic for tests.Thankfully we got pg just after the appointment, which seems to be very common.

I would really recommend the BBT method for checking your ovulation. It taught me so much about how my body works.

He's 9/11 years older than he was then? Does he drink or smoke more now? Has his career progressed and therefore he is more stressed?

all can have an effect. it must be hard to hear those things about his first marriage when you long for your own child. I agree with others, go along to the GP before concluding the worst.

Good luck with it all.

Thank you everyone. I think i am taking the 'blame' all on my shoulders. I just assume that since he has kids then the problem is obviously with me. I know there is plenty of time but it just seems like we have been trying forever. I don't get much support really; DH doesn't quite get how I feel and there is no one else really to talk to about it who understands what i'm going through. Thats why I like it here...

Hi MLR

Just wanted to respond as I totally know how you feel. My DH has a DD from a previous relationship (not 'planned' (by him) /not married) but he has always been an upstanding Dad to her. Anyhow I found this very difficult when we were trying for our own baby and we also suffered two miscarriages, luckily for us we have DS now and our 2nd on the way :-).

Nothing is for certain, myself and my DH had to be tested before beginning fertility treatments as a man's fertility can change. A friend of mine is married to a keen cyclist and when he had a six month break from it they fell pregnant, all the time she thought it was a problem with her (I think sometimes women blame themselves too readily).

You have to go and see a medical professional and get some help, after a year they should be willing to refer you and start a programme of treatment/help, doing something practical about it will help you feel better. Everyone told me not to worry and its the hardest thing not to do but please try to relax as much as possible as stress and tension can be the worst things. It isn't the same for men, especially when they have kids, although I talked to my DH I also found people in my situation more easy to talk to and they understood and there are lots of sites where you can make some online friends to talk to about it.

I wanted to tell you that our situation (amongst other reasons) caused some difficulties with my relationship with my DSD and it never really recovered. I spent too many days out hiding behind sunglasses being upset whilst everyone else was having family fun together and I had no one to buy ice creams for or chase around the park, this went on for years. I have had counselling to deal with it but I still struggle, however I have decided to be kind to myself and accept that I am entitled to my feelings as stepparenting is a challenge.

Hope this helps.

Onion x

if your periods are irregular ovulation could be all over the place, or maybe not happening every month. I'd recommend fertility friend- a free online service that tells you loads about fertility (they have a free course you follow online) and how to conceive at the right time, you can then chart online easily. You can buy very cheap ovulation predictors on amazon and test daily if necessary until you get an idea of whats going on, coupled with taking your BBT it will give you very useful info. OPKs are useful but getting an LH surge does not guarantee you actually ovulate, having a sustained temp rise is however i very reliable sign that ovulation did take place that month.

Also just to add, if there is a problem (and 1 year isn't long) it could still be with him, his kids were conceived a very long time ago and things change for men too.