Contact cancelled

[Contactcancelled]

text from ex in week saying contact cancelled for foreseeable future.

Apparently we are vile and nasty and dp is a shit father who does nothing for her children

Completely bored of her outbursts when visits to us are recalled to her standard when she pumps the children for Info.

Latest hassle is because children were picked up for not doing something very basic which was actually really rude to their dad. They were asked to apoligise and just think about how they would feel if this had happened to them. They are 6 and 10. More than capable of handling it.

She has said if dp turns up then she will call police. Advice please.

*aren't recalled

Btw contact is outlined on divorce papers only.

We really can't afford the court process.

Is there a CO?

No just detailed in arrangements for the children in divorce papers i think.

Oops sorry missed your second post.

Previously I would have advised avoiding a scene in front of the DCs at all costs - but more recently, I've concluded that this can be as damaging.
I suggest that your DP goes as arranged but leaves if his ex gets stroppy/yells etc. Her Calling the police could be a blessing for your DP as long as he can remain calm and reasonable and not expect the police to take sides.
'I really don't know, officer, I've come to pick up my DCs'.

Long term, I think CO is the only way of maintaining contact with DCs whose RP withholds contact

I think he needs to go and at least show the children he's turned up. If she refuses contact then we will send recorded letter asking for it to resume. Then have to do a CO. Just can't afford it. Can we self represent?

Risk of her being violent but gotta risk it.

Contact refused. Emotionally abusive mother- nice

There are people on here who have self repped and had good results. It doesn't have to cost the earth.

If your DP is going to go to try and pick them up anyway it might be worth his while forewarning the police using the non emergency number that he is planning to go to pick his children up as arranged but he thinks his ex might kick off. Then if he does go and she becomes abusive, either physically or verbally, he absolutely MUST report it to the police, regardless of whether he spoke to the police in advance or not.

I really cannot emphasise enough how important it is that if she kicks off, he then reports it to the police, even if he thinks it isn't worth the hassle.

My DP was involved in an argument that his ex started when he returned his DC after contact, even though she was violent to him, he didn't want to make it into a big deal and didn't do anything about it.

Her version of events was very different. She reported him to the police, accused him of physical assault and he had to go through being arrested and charged before being cleared at a trial. He had no witnesses so it was his word against her and family's. Despite having CO's he didn't see his DC for months because of her accusations.

I don't want to sound overdramatic but had we known what was going to happen at that drop off, at the very least he would have had someone else with him to be a witness.

Thanks guys . He went , children not there, she was laughing and smiling at him.

I have a very upset DP and two very upset siblings who want to see the other dcs

How spiteful. I would now send her a recorded letter saying that your DP expects contact to be resumed on xx date and if it doesn't he will be taking her to court for a CO.

Don't leave it and give her countless chances, it can take a while to get court dates and ultimately a resolution so get the forms, fill them in and give her one more chance.

Make sure you have details of what happened today, copies of the text (take a photo of the phone if you can't print it off) and any other problems with contact that she has caused that you can submit to the court.

Your DP may be required to undertake mediation with his ex and all of this takes time. Also if he isn't having any contact with his DC, i.e. no phone calls etc he should send them cards, letters or emails to try to maintain some contact even if they don't reply. If he is going to do this, make sure that you keep copies of everything before it is send, send cards/letters recorded and request delivery receipts of emails. Make sure there is a paper trail of everything your DP has done to try and maintain contact in case you need it for court.

By paper trail I mean so that she can't try to say he made no effort to maintain contact when in fact she may not have given the cards to the DC or said they didn't arrive if you see what I mean.

Self repping isn't very expensive. I think the fee was £175 when DP did it - though I've got a feeling it might have gone up a bit since. Obviously a lot lot cheaper than getting barristers and solicitors involved.

Thank you for your advice. DP now burying head in sand and I'm going to just let him wallow in self pity because I just haven't got the energy for fight for what's right when it's me making the effort. Besides all I get is grief from them, lies and hassle. My ds has been upset by everything and my baby has picked up on the tension.

As my sister said .... Just enjoy the peace. She will soon change her tune when she wants a break or some extra money.

We won't be emotional abysses when she wants a weekend away, a taxi service or money for school tri

School trips.

You could put in loads of effort but unless it's what your DP wants and is prepared to fight for, it's hopeless

Let him know you'll support him if he does choose to step up - but if it affecting your DCs and/or your respect for him as a father - let him know that, too