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Would you tell your children about absent biological relatives?

8 replies

Confuzzed · 27/01/2006 12:38

Okay, not sure if this was the right section to post under, but quick question. If you have a step mum or step dad, but you call them mum and dad and do not have contact with your biological parent(s) would you tell your children so that they are aware of other relatives or not?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
doormat · 27/01/2006 12:41

I have explained to kids about sperm donors family
it is up to them to keep in touch

cod · 27/01/2006 12:42

Message withdrawn

Confuzzed · 27/01/2006 12:52

My step dad has been there since I was a baby, so in my mind, he's dad. I have only seen The Sperm Donor once, and we never even spoke (at a funeral). But I'm in touch with my gran (his mum) and so he will know that a grandchild exists, not that I'd make an effort for them to meet.
Its a long way off as my child is still a baby, but I dont want to not tell her and for her to find out from some spiteful step cousins that she has. Such as "he's not your real granddad you know"

OP posts:
tarantula · 27/01/2006 13:06

yes I think its important that they know but it needs to be done in a very low key accepting kinda way IYKWIM so that the kids know but its not A BIG THING!! Does that make sense? How exactly you do it is of course a whole different ball game tho.

Lmccrean · 27/01/2006 13:23

my dad was adopted by his uncle (biological) and aunt. My mum has a step-mum, as her bio mum died when she was 9. Obv, I am, and have been for as long as I can remember, aware they are not my biological family, but I consider them my family, and have no desire to look for my absent biological family.

Wills · 27/01/2006 13:40

This came up with my 5 year old the other day. My mum has re-married and my girls call him granddad but I don't call him dad. My dad ran off with another women and I've not had contact with him since. She was confused when she said that grandad was my dad and I gently said no. I explained that i had another dad. She was over the moon and wandered off to tell her sister that they had 3 grandads not 2. The question of why she's never met him just simply didn't come up. Bit confused how I'm going to describe the situation to her as I don't she's capable of understanding it yet. But if the question comes up I'm sure I'm muddle along etc.

The real fun will come when I one day explain that my dad is not my genetic dad as he called off the wedding to my mum when he found out she was preggers with me and refused to get rid of me. But i doubt that one will come up of its own voliation so I'll definitely tackle that when they're a damn site older.

bourneville · 03/02/2006 18:27

my dd's dad has lived abroad (was from abroad) since before i found out i was pg. we are in good email contact, dd knows about him has a photo and he sends presents xmas & bday dd is 2.6. I think it is very important that she knows who her dad is and that he's out there for her. I'm lucky to have a good friendship with him.

i have a boyf but he's not stepdad, doesn't live with us etc. dd has bonded well with him though. interestingly enough, the frame of the photo of her real dad had broken and she let out a freudian slip the other day saying "xxx broken" (xxx being the name of my boyf). I thought that was very interesting and kind of freaked me out a bit actually! didn't tell boyf about it would freak him out even more!!

Troutpout · 22/02/2006 22:03

yes...when they are old enough to understand the complexities of it a bit

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