Bit confused really

[Libby10]

My ESS is going to move back home with us after he split up with his GF. He doesn't get on with his mum and can't afford a place of his own just yet. It makes sense for him to be with us - its just that this will be the first time we have had any of the kids living with us full time before and I'm not completely sure how I feel about it. Has anyone else been here?

What is an ESS?

Or is that a DSS? How old is he and is he working?

Hi, I think if he is going to be moving in as an adult, you should sit down in a pub and make it very clear how it will be from the off.

Be clear about house rules & level of contribution expected but say you are looking forward to having him around. And I would ask him for some 'rent' if he is working - this is a personal opinion of course but I think working adults should not freeload.

The more upfront you are the better. Particularly about things he may not understand - no idea from your OP of you have other kids but if for example you have a toddler who naps in the afternoon, tell him you expect quiet while this happens. Otherwise he may be like a herd of elephants but only because he does not know about toddlers' needs.

Thanks Chelen - he is still a student and has just lost his Sat job. I'm not worried about him not paying rent for now at least until the end of term. I suppose I'm more concerned about the fact of having one of the kids there full time - its always been good to have some time when its just me and DP by ourselves and its come out of the blue a bit.

How old is he? My DSD is 19 and she's hardly ever home, and when she is she's usually in her bedroom. I would think that although it may take a bit of getting used to, he probably won't be around all that much.

Can you plan for time alone when he is around? Eg go out for an evening or feed him early then cook something later for you and DP? Put a telly in his room? You o viously need to make hi. feel welcome but should be possible to have a bit of time to yourselves too. Will he go and visit his mum some times?

His mum lives 10 minutes away from us so I don't think he may pop in and see her but he won't be staying with her as such. We will put a TV in his room and make some space for him in his old bedroom and I know he will be out with his friends some evenings but its just a big change this far in and its come out of the blue. I'm glad in some ways that he wants to come back as I'd hate him not to feel that he didn't have a home with us but at the same time we've always had the kids half the time and this feels like a big step change.