Paying CM direct to 16 yr old

[Lasvegas]

Firstly DH pays well over CSA amounts and there is no CSA / court agreement in place. This informal agreement has worked for 11 years so far.

DH is planing on paying CM direct to his child, between ages of 16 -18. Plan that from the CM child would pay to his mother (who he lives with) money for his share of utilities, food, car running costs. There is no rent or mortgage as DH bought the house out right.

DH is of the view that the CM he gives largely supports his x wife, who does not work nor claim benefits. He also wants the child who is a real saver to be able to save up for Uni or for a car or a deposit on a house etc. The plan is to pay the CM to teenager between ages of 16-18. With help for budgeting etc.

Child has diligently been paper boy for several years, has no friends (so we don't worry people would take advantage of him), is v good at maths, so would understand budgeting.

What do people think of the proposal?

I think the shit will hit the fan if you try to implement it

I can understand it if you want to do it as an exercise to help him learn the value of money and paying bills etc, but can you get his mother in on the programme first so she doesn't feel like you're trying to pull something?

Perhaps you can come to an agreement where you start with giving him a third and her two thirds? - she may be more willing and understanding of what you're trying to do that way.

My stepson starts university in September (he will be 19 the next month) and we are planning to start paying his proportion to him then as he will be living away from home and most probably be staying with us in the holidays anyway. (I have another younger stepson so exW will obviously still be getting his cut.

Whilst I can see the logic legally a NRP is required to pay child support to the resident parent so unless the ex agrees you can't make the change. (until CM is legally not required which is 18 or 19)

Thanks ladies. Was thinking that if a teenager 'paid' for the gas bill, then they may appreciate that it is better to put on another layer and keep the back door open. Not too worried about the wife, who owes DH 35K and is supposedly going to pay it off when she gets a job.

I wouldn't give much money direct to a 16 year old. Gives them an awful lot of power over their parent, which I don't really think is healthy, even if you don't like her much. It's not normal for 16 year olds to pay for those sorts of things either. It's normal for parents to provide them. If his mum does the shopping, pays the bills, etc then she is the one who needs the money. And assuming that your DSC is being fed and his mother keeps the house heated, etc, then you can't really say that the CM is being spent on her can you? As she's clearly spending some of it on providing for her DC.

Much better idea would be to reduce payments to CSA levels, and set up a separate savings account for DC, which your DH can control.

The money she owes your DH is a different issue.

Purpleroses, thank you what a good idea. i don't think my DH had twigged CM is legally payable till child is 18. We both worked from 16 and paid 'rent' to our parents. TBH didn't do us any harm neither of us has ever been in debt except for mortgages.

It would be a good idea to reduce CM to CSA levels and the 'extra' put into an ISA or similar. I have no idea why this hasn't occurred to us before. That's what I love about Mumsnet you get a wealth of experience.

DH paid well over the CSA guidelines initially as he thought that way he would always get contact and it has worked. Though not really necessary anymore as a 15 year old can't be stopped having contact my mum. Xwife left DH when kids were 2 and 4 so back then it was a different scenario.

I think that is a really bad idea. That is really undermining of the other parent and teaches the child to use money as a weapon I think.

CM should be paid either until the child is 18 or the child leaves home.

All the historic stuff, about money owing and whether or not mum works, is emotional stuff that your DP needs to deal with and it shouldn't affect CM. The idea about teenager learning value of money - would you give your own 16 year old their 'share' of family funds and then ask for a contribution to bills?

If you are actually paying beyond CSA then yes consider reducing to that.

I think you could give an allowance to the child and say it has go on clothes and extras, but there is no way you should stop giving the ex anything. Reduce it but don't stop it.

Agree with the above posters. I would be furious if my child's parent (or anyone else) were to do this. It would totally undermine me as a parent. It would also take away my ability to create a household budget and make determinations about what were appropriate expenses. I'm afraid it comes across as though your DH is either missing the point of CM, or is deliberately trying to annoy the ex or make her life miserable. I agree that if he's got concerns about her being overpaid then it might be time to revisit the amount, but maybe the way to do that is through the courts? Since the informal arrangement is clearly not working out.

I am strongly of the opinion that a 16 year-old (particularly one who lives at home) is still a child. I am glad to hear, actually, that this proposal wouldn't be allowed.