DP's family are unsupportive

[NotaDisneyMum]

DP has been struggling for years with DSD (14) and her resentment/anger towards him. He has sought a great deal of professional support and advice and difficult though it is, he is determined to do his best for her as a parent, rather than give in to her tantrums and petulance in the short term.

PIL have been vaguely supportive - they consider DSD to be a "victim" of her mother, and totally incapable of controlling her own behaviour when it comes to DP or I. They are prepared to accept that we are in an impossible situation, however, and agree that seeking professional advice is the best way forward.

Unfortunately, DP's sister does not agree. He has just had a ranting message from her, making it clear that she considered his attitude to be totally unacceptable and that she will actively support DSD in her position.

DP is devastated Has anyone else had their family broken apart by a step situation?

Does your SIL have children? I do wonder if outsiders can understand the situation that step families are in. Take the 'step' out of this and it isn't helpful for anyone to overrule a parent. If she has an issue with your DHs parenting she needs to be discuss. Is she close to the ex?

No, she doesn't have children of her own - but you're right, this shouldn't be a step- issue - SIL is undermining DP as a parent. Even DSD mum is now on board with some of DP's parenting - for instance, DSD mum agrees that DSD should come and collect her Christmas gifts if she wants them; whereas, SIL has accused DP of using them as a bribe.

Apparently, SIL did get on quite well with DP's exW - and tbh, none of DP's family are very comfortable dealing with the whole "separated" issue, they can't really get their head around how their actions will impact on DP and the DSC. For instance, if they arrange to see DSC when they are with their mum, she expects DP to reciprocate by giving up some of his contact time in return

I agree, she's just undermining him as a parent. I don't get it - I would never think it was my place to undercut my sisters' parenting with their kids!

what does she mean by 'actively supporting DSD in her position'? I mean, does she actually have a role where she can make any difference, or does she just mean that she'll be a cheerleader for DSD's behaviour?

Is it possible to just, well, ignore her? She isn't entitled to have any input, after all.

It means that SIL will maintain an independent relationship with DSD (all be it mainly on FB, txt and phone due to distance) and agree with her that her Dad is blackmailing her, that she has every reason to be rude to him, that she has been let down by him and likely as not that I'm the reason he's changed and become a lousy father

She'll be the cool auntie who sympathises when everyone else is against her

As it is, DSD mum isn't happy that FIL has been interfering - if SIL wades in and starts undermining her as well, anything could happen!