In-laws problem, don't know what to do.

[Muchadoaboutnuthing]

Hi, just want to vent a bit today, hope thats ok :) Dh and I are together 11 years, we have 2 children, ds is 9 and dd is 5. Sd is 16.
I have never particularly got on with dhs family (he has 2 older sisters). They've disliked me from day 1 basically. When I was 5 months pregnant with ds I was out with SIL one day and she started telling me to be prepared to raise the baby alone becuase dh wouldn't stay with me, that he didn't really want to be with me but I'd "trapped" him by getting pregnant. 6 years and 2 babies later we were getting married. On my hen night SIL followed me into the bathroom and started saying it was strange being at my hen cos they all thought dh would have ended up marrying his previous g/f. We all have kids so I have always tried to make an effort for the kids sakes. Their kids sleep over here every few weekends etc.
Sorry I know this is long and has nothing to do with step parenting so far but I AM getting to the point, promise :)
One of SILs lives directly across the road from us, the other lives about 10 mins drive away. They have invited SD and her mum and step dad down next weekend to SILs (across the road) house. They have always kept in touch with dhs exs and tbh at this stage as long as its not rubbed in my face I dont care. In the early days they would call round and just sit there and talk about his exs and what they're up to bla bla in front of me, him and our kids if they were there.
Usually if they invite sd down, her parents drop her here then they go off to other SILS house (10 mins away) and we drop her out there after a couple of hours. This time apparently they're all going to be across the road and we (me, dh and kids) are supposed to go over there to see sd. I think this is just crazy. SIL is annoyed with us over not lending her money a few months back and has been really bitchy and I think this is just a continuation of that. Dhs ex has been horrible throughout the years and I dont want to spend any time in her company. She will hardly even acknowledge my kids so I dont really want them having to be there either. Dh obviously wants to see sd as he hasn't seen her for ages (a whole other thread) but I just think all of us in one house pretending to play happy families with SILS thinking the whole thing is hilarious is a joke. Am i just being stupid? Should I just go and plaster a smile on and get on with it?

No! I don't think you should be any part of their stupid plan.

Especially because if you and DH let this happen once, it may become the new 'normal'. You don't have to (and probably don't want to) make a big deal out of it, but falling into line with their manipulations sounds like a real mistake and gives them way too much control over YOUR family.

After all this time, why let them complicate things?

Your DH should just say "no, sorry, that doesn't work for us." If they won't drop SD off to yours to see her, then DH needs to pick her up (at whatever time you would all have been going over, presumably) and visit with her, then take her back. If they push, he needs to just keep saying "Sorry, no, that doesn't work for us and the other kids."

Thanks so much, i wasn't sure if I was being a bit silly about the whole thing. You're right, I dont want to make an issue out of it. Dh and I have had so many arguments through the years about his family. I feel sorry for him because I know he's stuck in the middle and if he ever tries to stand up to them they're really nasty to him. I'm so sick of them treating us like crap and then the folowing weekend dumping all the kids here so they can go out. I'm tempted to just go out for the day myself and leave them all to it tbh.

Oh god I have very similar exsp myself.

Me an dh have been together 11 years 5 children together.

He has a previous Ds from a very short relationship when he was young.

Dh's parent have never liked be an would happily say (even now) they still think him and her should be together!!
It used to drive me nuts.

They all go in holidays together an stay at each others house. Very odd in my opinion (going on holiday together) but hey hoe.

The best advice I can say I go with it, makes life easier. Smile, nod agree and when u get home with your dh and children laugh it off how sad it is that she can't just move on and his sister is fruit to score silly points.

DH sister exactly the same, she refers to her children as her nephews but doesn't bother with ours!! Also her children call DH's parents nanny and grandad!!

Actually reading that back has made me just chuckle .. Few gets ago I would of been so annoyed.

Remember smile, nod and agree :)