Unplanned pregnancy within fragile blended family. WWYD?

[MidnightFeaster]

I posted this in 'Relationships' a few days ago. I've been given some great advice - really thoughtful. But I still have no idea what to do. I'm in my seventh week, so have still got a bit of time to arrive at a decision, but I just want to know what I want, feel able to commit to that, and get on with it.

I was wondering this morning what others in a similar situation (i.e. a challenging step family showing signs of not working out, perhaps already with children from a previous relationship) might do.

If you have a moment, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks ever so much.

hi i have 3 of my own, dp has 3 of his own. we were not living together when i found out in fact we had only been together for a 8 months his kids and ex didnt know about me and hello the shit storm. because suddenly there was a time frame for every thing. but apart from the ex being a total nightmare everything is going amazingly well. the kids when here with us have settled in to our routines well. dont get me wrong there was friction because i had different ways of parenting mine and dp recognised that his kids maybe had some behavioural/respect things that needed to be dealt with we chatted about it and i made some suggestions etc but unless it involved me kept out of it, as in them being rude to me.
i am 34 wks now and his kids are very excited about their new sister they come and sit with me and feel her kick and on the whole we have managed to build a nice environment so far.
after some mediation the ex has seemed to have backed off as well which is better for everyone.
i am thinking that when the baby come things will take off again though but we shall see.
sorry thats a bit of a ramble, i suppose i think its totally doable if your firm but fair with the kids re bad behaviour etc and a united front. make the baby a family affair for everybody (if you keep it) dont try to hide things about it be very up front and honest with the kids and prob the ex.
its been a surprisingly positive experience for us so far, after the initial "oh my god, what are we going to do" i hope you find the same if you go ahead with it all.

Hi Midnight- I haven't got much advice to give but didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

I'm a Bonus Mum to 2 DBDs & have a DD. We don't have plans to add to our family.

Many SPs on here have had babies within their blended families so I'm sure some advice will turn up real soon.

Hi, I have one DSS and one DS. Of course no one can tell you what to do, so I can only tell you my own take on my own situation.

I no longer underestimate the stresses in a blended family. We have decided not to have any more due to the pressure of dealing with all the step fallout - I feel like I have energy for either the step stuff or a new baby but not both.

I have contemplated breaking up with my DP in the past and the thought of trying to arrange contact between his ex, me, him, and the two kids was enough to make me stay so maybe the kids really are the glue that keeps us together !

Good luck with whatever you decide x

HI there, I am not sure I can offer any helpful advice, but wanted to give you a reply, so like chelen i can only tell you of my experience.

I am married now; DH has two kids and we have a daughter together who is 19 months.

In my case, DD was planned, but staying together was not a given - I was prepared to raise DD on my own, living separately. I was unwilling to live with or marry (now) DH unless there were radical changes in his home and in regards to his parenting. He took that on board and has, in fact, made huge changes. We moved in together as a family when DD was six months old and got married not long after. It was all a bit unconventional and backwards, I suppose, but it was the right way for us.

Things worked out well as far as the baby - she has been great for us as a family; the kids love her to bits and she definitely has made us all more connected.

DH and I do have problems, and at times I have considered leaving the relationship, but DD is a bright spot in all of that, and like chelan says, again, the kids do hold us together in a way...if it were just him and I, we might not have stuck it through some of the worst times -- but then, if it were just he and I, we wouldn't have actually had the same worst times, as our big issues really are all about blended family... [shrug]

I understand what chelan means about not having the energy to be a step and have another child. I can't do both, so will probably not have a second child myself. In another situation, I probably would. So I feel some resentment about that, maybe.

If I were to offer any advice at all - I guess it would be to ask yourself how things will work out in each possible scenario. For me, I thought (and discussed with my DP of course!) about how it would work (logistically, emotionally, financially) if we stayed together, and if we didn't.

Good luck.