Struggling - not sure I can do this

[NotaDisneyMum]

The last few horrible, drama filled days have made me realise that I made a very naive assumption 18 months ago.

When DP initiated court action to secure regular contact with the DCs two years ago, we weren't living together. He and I spent a lot of our time together trying to find a solution to the problem.

I realise now that I had assumed, once the court order was in place, that we would regain that time for other things.

It is only now that it has dawned on me that this is going to be a part of our life for at least the next 10 years, if not longer.

DSS is going to need ongoing and/or regular psychological support to deal with the conflict he is experiencing, and DSS mum, and DSD, are going to increase their hostility towards and directed at DP and myself each time.

I've already lost a business client because of the situation; her social circle includes DSD and her mum and it was easier for her to find another supplier than deal with the problems it caused

It impacts on DD and causes tension between her dad and I; if we decide to screen calls, he objects and our co-parenting relationship has broken down recently.

I just imagined my 40s would be a time to enjoy the extra 'freedom' having older DCs would bring; time to develop my business, work on our home, spend time together. What I am now imagining is a decade of 'all nighters', worry, hurt and difficulties.

I know I'm being unreasonable, but I feel like yelling it's not fair!!!!!

No advice for you just lots of sympathy I know exactly how you feel

I think I can also relate to your feelings as I'm in a similar position. I waste so much energy worrying about DSS when in reality I have little influence over his behaviour.

I'm not sure what the solution is - maybe to maximise the good times that you spend with your DH so that the happy memories outweigh the day to day challenges.

Hi, so sorry to hear things are so tough at the moment. I came on here tonight because I am also feeling overwhelmed - you are not alone!

I think I struggle with the feeling it is stretching on forever. Of course it really isn't, as the children get older they change, and eventually they will be adults and it will be easier. But I often wonder how much I'll have left in my tank by then.

Today I was trying to work out if I should go to work and let my DP be SAHP instead. I would be so sad to give up this experience of caring for my toddler, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed also having to care for my DSS who has so much angst and grief and misery at the moment, it is relentless. All the sympathy and care we step mums feel doesn't mean it isn't hard living with all the crap, so much of which is totally outside our control.

Sorry to hear your business has been affected, that must be very hard to take.

I think you should yell 'it's not fair' because it isn't. When you're dealing with problems caused by the refusal of an ex to put their own issues down and HELP the children, that is absolutely not fair.

NADM, you are so right, it is not fair. And you have been really getting a shit deal recently.

I don't have the same issues (no living ex!), but I definitely have felt the feeling of 'when does this get easier?' and 'how did my life end up so completely beyond my control?'

DH and I have had a tough time since the beginning of our relationship, dealing with issues of First Wife and of the SCs. We never had a 'honeymoon period' like there normally is at the start, when you can just be in love and not yet have all the Issues. (We never had a honeymoon, for that matter!) We used to say to each other that our honeymoon period was just deferred...that life was going to get easier and we'd get our peaceful all-to-ourselves time later on. But sometimes it doesn't feel like I will ever get to be "me" again.

I hope things start turning around for you soon. It does sound like progress has been made with DSS, so that might lighten up.

We are much maligned because we exist, in our partner's lives and are loved by them. Ex's resent this.....step kids resent this. It's crap.

I feel for you, and send a hug.