I know this sounds awful but anybody wish OH saw stepkids less?

[missduff]

DP has 2 kids from his previous marriage and I've got 1, we just found out last week that we are expecting our own baby, we're very excited
I love his kids, they're lovely children and he is the most amazing dad.
But I'm worried about how it's going to work when baby comes along. When I had DS I was on my own so I could do as much or as little as I pleased, it was lovely n laid back n quite chilled out. But this time there's going to be 4 kids in the house at times n I'm not sure if i want that every single weekend. He has them overnight 2 nights a week plus sees them 2 other nights a week, i I'm worried he's not got enough time for our baby and my house is small, it's going to be so stressful having 3 kids + baby here every single weekend.
Before I was pregnant I always had the attitude of 'the more the merrier' but right now I just want an easy life.
I feel so bad for feeling like this, I know a lot of it is just my hormones. But I know I will want some time just me, DP and our baby but with his work patterns and the times that he has the kids we will only get 1 Sunday a month just us.
I know I am being totally unreasonable and I can't really discuss it with DP as I know it'll sound like I'm a total bitch, but at the moment I feel like I just want him to myself.
Anybody else felt like this? Any advise other than to pull myself together?

Aw op ts damn nuisance isnt it,these pesky kids gettng in the way of your idealistic life.
I had dd2 11 months ago,dh's and my first and only child together.
Rather than the nice quiet life we would have had if we had met years ago,unfortunately i already had 3 grown up sons and a dd of 9.Their dad hardly bothers wth them so dh not only supports dd1 but also helps the boys out with their cars,job apps,diy in their homes etc etc all the things a dad does.
He knew they existed when he got involved wth me as did you when you got with him.
Personally if was in your situation wouldnt want to have kids with a man who didnt parent his existng children,the fact that he is stll so involved only indicates what a good Dad he wll be to yours.

Unless you have ever raised another person's children then you can't possibly even begin to understand the myriad of emotions that you have to deal with. Just because not everyone admits to it, it doesn't mean people don't feel it. My sister think she is qualified to comment on stepparenting because her HUSBAND is a stepfather to her children and they have one child together. She has NO idea!! I regularly remind her of this and tell her how fabulous her husband is and how important it is to regularly acknowledge this to him because, at times, it is a thankless task. Moan about your own kids and you'll find a sympathetic ear from fellow parents. Dare to moan about stepchildren and you'll get a raised eyebrow. For the record, I consider myself a good stepmum - I've raised my two stepchildren since their mum died but I'm not perfect. I had to grieve myself when they came to live with us - for my old life, the way things were, whilst also of course putting their feelings first. There were times that I felt overwhelmed with the responsibility but could never moan as they'd lost their mum!!! My feelings were insignificant. When stepmums moan they want a listening ear and some sympathy ... not "get over it, you chose this life". Its a hard road to travel and some are better at it than others but all I will say is don't judge until you've travelled that road yourself (regardless of having a partner who is a stepdad to your kids - and probably sometimes would like to vent also!!) I am also a stepchild myself and regularly remind my dad (who married a childless woman - a fabulous one at that) how wonderful she is!

You are bound to have feelings- and who wouldn't want a free man without baggage? However, you chose one with DCs and you have got them for life-there is no other option (unless he is a horrible character who will put some of his DCs above others).

GOOSHKA You sound fab. i dont get tho why my/your sisters situation is so relevant.I think its possibly harder to commit every day of his or her life and the other responsiblities such as housing and financial ones are bigger.
For example we have always had to go on massive and expensve holidays and maintain a house big enough for them all. Rather than cheap small apartments etc.
At xmas we can never go and spend it with dh's family as my boys all come home to roost.
guess each situation has ts own problems,but the kids dont ask to be in it all so should be most important imho.

gooshka point is very relevant, my DP makes step parenting look easy, he never complains, he just gets on with it and treats my DS as his own (within reason). I've just taken it for granted and not really noticed that sometimes it must actually be quite frustrating at times.
It's not until now that i am having to really face the reality of becoming a step parent that I'm seeing how difficult it can be.
It's very different to witness somebody being a step parent and actually doing it yourself.
Hats off to those step parents who do it full time, parenting is such a difficult to task but it must be even harder to do it when it's not your own child, no doubt the day will come when I hear the words 'your not my mum!'.

Four kids is quite demanding. We have 4 small kids and need to adhere to a good routine to make sure life runs smoothly and that's what your man will need to do NOW. He needs to sort his life out so that every one of his children know what to expect from him and when, especially regarding visitation.

He didn't dump his kids when he left his wife and you are you are going to have to accept the fact that his first two children are just as important to him as the ones he has with you.

Sounds like my partners ex. We have his children every sat day and night and every alternate fri as well as every tues overnight- with me having to
drop four kids off at different schools not to mention getting them all ready on my own on a weds before work- its a nightmare. When you move in together you have a right to look at changing things. Good luck, it will get easier and you will get to know them more and more x

I think you just have to pull yourself together. It is really awful to want to seperate a parent from his young children.
Please try not to wish that, you won't do yourself any good.
I think you need to get dp moved in with you asap and start living as a family of three soon to be four then you may feel more settled.

Surely a family of 6? I thought that DP was shortly to have his 4th DC.

Good point - I was thinking 3 to be 4 children!

Sorry-I always include the parents in my counting.

One of the things I found hard was instant large family - never mind the other complications.

I got DH to take a month of 2 weeks leave, 2 weeks pat leave, he looked after all the kids including my DS1, and I looked after baby, I babymooned for a month, it made such a huge difference, we did the same when we had DD, it really was fab.

Hi missduff. I feel really disappointed that some people have taken the opportunity to give you a roasting over this. We can't always control how we feel - especially not during pregnancy. Fair enough, some people might not agree with you but to say you are out and out wrong for being human? I'm also concerned that you don't feel you can talk to your DP about how you feel. I get that you don't want to share every little detail but I worry that if you bottle up your emotions they may become more intense and you could end up resenting your DP - or even his kids.

Have you considered that you might not be the only person struggling with how everything will work? Your DP might be concerned over how he will have enough time and energy for all of the kids and his kids (if they know) might be concerned about whether dad (and you) will still have enough time for them. It's going to be a big change for everyone and, personally, I think you need to work it out as a family - I don't think you can figure it all out on your own.

If you choose to talk to your DP try approaching it from the angle of worrying about how everyone will have time for each other rather than how he will have time for you. There is nothing unreasonable about that as you are considering his kids too and you'll probably find that you'll feel better just for being able to talk things through. It's also going to be important for his kids, and yours, to be able to talk about how they feel - if they see the adults unable to talk things through it might make this more difficult for them.

Try discussing ways that his kids, and yours, could be invovled - depending on their ages ask them what things they would like to do. It could be that his kids will want some time just them and their dad - which would leave you with some quieter time. They might want to be more proactive and could help choose names or help get part of a room ready as a nursery (we have a tiny house too!). I think you should try to focus on everyone working together and, hopefully, when you see it all start to come together, you won't feel as stressed.